By in Family

Dating a man/woman with children?!

As we all know, dating in itself can be difficult and demanding. Now the question at hand focuses on mainly single people without children of their own... would you consider dating someone with children , if so do you think that you would be able to discipline your partners children if say they were a naughty bunch? Or would you remove yourself from domestic issues such as instilling discipline and leave it entirely to your partner to do? Is dating any harder when the partner has children or do you feel that it is all just the same either way? This poll question seems to birth many other questions as in my opinion is a rather sensitive and sticky one.

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0 votes / 0% 0 votes

Yes I would dad a partner with children.

0 votes / 0% 0 votes

No, I would not date anyone with children.

0 votes / 0% 0 votes

I would consider it but leave all the disciplining to the partner

0 votes / 0% 0 votes

I would embrace the challenge but would also discuss how to parent the children together.

3 votes / 75% 3 votes / 75 %

Other please elaborate on how you would handle the situation.

1 votes / 25% 1 votes / 25 %
This poll has received 4 vote(s) so far.

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Comments

lionpaw wrote on February 4, 2015, 5:03 PM

I didn't bother with answering on the poll since the answers are not there or the typos can be semi confusing if they are typos? Dad is date? or is it only asking if people would date a man with kids and not a woman?

For the longest time I stopped dating anyone if I ever found out they had kids. As a kid/young adult going through college and working on my life, it just wasn't something I wanted to deal with. I did end up marrying a man with kids and have mixed feelings over it all. There was a ton of regret ever making that choice. Life would certainly have been better had I married a man without kids, then there never would have been any issues over my daughters getting very basic items and other things that were issues in our marriage. Its still a touchy topic.

I'm super thankful for the birth of my two daughters. But sometimes, I have wondered how much our life could have been different had I picked a different partner. Our youngest is allergic to milk and hardly any consideration is ever given to her health concerns because they are not experienced by anyone else but her. However, my husband would go above and beyond to make sure meals were meat free because his son made a choice to be vegetarian. A choice. Yet our daughter who had this choice taken away from her, gets to eat and be in agony or go hungry sometimes because of the choices people make when it comes to "Family meals". I fight and argue to have meals she can enjoy safely. It does get irritating to have to fight so much for very basic things. I love my kids and I will fight for them until I die.

I just feel like if I made a better choice, then perhaps our lives would be a bit better off to not have as much pain and annoyance still there. So if anyone ever asked me if its worth marrying a man with kids? I'd say no, find someone that doesn't have kids and enjoy making a life with them so you can actually make a life and not live in some shadow of some ruble left over from his past.

PS I'd never imagine disciplining his kids. They are his to deal with and are just not my concern!

MsBiz wrote on February 4, 2015, 5:07 PM

My now-husband had just gotten sole custody his daughter when we started dating. Because of his work schedule, I was the primary parent for about a year-and-a-half. It's probably the hardest thing I've ever done. It's also one of the most rewarding thing I've ever done and I love my stepdaughter like my own. That said, we have had our conflicts over the years, which were especially bad when she first started having visits with her mother, but have reached a good place. To keep a long story short, seriously dating someone with children isn't for the faint of heart.

GemOfAGirl wrote on February 4, 2015, 8:41 PM

I am at an age where, if I'm dating a man who has children, there's a fairly good chance that they're already full-grown adults, and then I don't have to worry about it.

I think a lot depends on the children - if they're well-behaved or not - and on the relationship he has with them - does he see them all the time, or are they around only occasionally. Each situation is unique. The only generalization I can really make is that I don't relish the idea of doling out discipline to other peoples' kids, especially if the mother of the kids isn't fully accepting that they're father is seeing someone else - that's just uncomfortable all around, and often indicates that the man has some baggage that I might not want to be involved with.

Lushlala wrote on February 5, 2015, 3:59 AM

I've never dated anyone with kids and I've yet to have my own. But I reckon it must be very challenging as not only are you grappling with normal day to day relationship issues; you've got to contend with the individual personalities of the kids, whether they like you or not, if they're ready to see their parent move with someone else other their mother etc However, people are often able to work it out and are success in building a "working situation".

elles-belles wrote on February 5, 2015, 5:00 AM

I suppose that when it comes to such a topic, experience really does carry a lot of weight especially in terms of being able to objectively advice some say like me who has never dated a man with children.
With that said, I appreciate that for some people it is an easy transition and things turn out very well as in the example MsBiz gave of her situation! In such a case you have it great MsBiz though as you mentioned it really isn't for the fainthearted!
Lionpaw; what an ordeal you are going through, I am sorry to hear that it has been such a mission especially for your poor daughter! Sounds like there is a lot of selfishness and inconsideration taking place and that is in no ways fair. Thank you for sharing your story with us and pointing out the other side of being with a partner who has children!
All in all I am more than convinced that steering clear of getting involved with someone with children would be the better option.

Madcanman wrote on February 5, 2015, 5:24 AM

I've been in this situation several times over the years, with results leaning both ways. My dear wife (my third) hopped into this situation (I have 5, she wants none), and though it has had its ups and downs, we're heading towards 9 wonderful years (together, married for four).

elles-belles wrote on February 10, 2015, 3:56 AM

Madcanman, sounds like you are experiencing the positive outcome of love, mutual respect and commitment! Thanks for sharing your experience, it's always nice to know that some people do what most of us are either scared to try or can't handle!