By in Writing

A Chronicle of Sam Moon

The following is for Anthony Davis, a close acquaintance, to show the advantage of dialogue for immediate involvement...

"Hm. You're about out of seed Josie, aren't you? We'll fix that."

Samuel Popovich hobbled over to the cabinet he kept for Josie, his parakeet, and dipped a tiny scoop into a metal cannister. He then emptied the seed into the plastic receptacle in Josie's spacious cage. When he was younger, Sam used to "moon" the other kids when they'd pick at him about his name. So they called him Sam Moon.

His mind wandered back to his usual worry, <I hope my son will be here soon to fix those dad-burned electrical gizmos. I sure am glad I have him !> How he longed for the 'good old' days.

"Josie, you're practically ancient now. How do you think I feel at more than 10 times your age?"

Sam sat down in his armchair, put on his specs and picked up the old family album. He soon drifted to sleep. About an hour and a half later, he heard a double tap, followed by the words "Pop - I'm here", and the door opened - automatically.

"Hi, Son. How's your wife Rainbow?" Sam tried to say his daughter-in-law's given name naturally, but it was all he could do to just 'spit it out'. <Rainbow Popovich. What kind of name is that?>

"Doug, while you're here, will you check out the microwave oven for me?"

The middle-aged Doug's countenance twisted into a halfway stern, yet loving and respectful look. "Pop, how many times have I told you I'll buy you new appliances if you'll just let me, AI appliances? After all, Pop, it is 2037! You have to adapt to the times. Modernize. I'll help you, Pop. Won't you please let me?"


Image Credit » https://pixabay.com/illustrations/binary-one-cyborg-cybernetics-1536651/

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Comments

VinceSummers wrote on February 14, 2020, 9:06 AM

As the writing grows, you want to add distinguishing features about your main character, so the reader develops a "relationship" with the character. Does he eat? Does he have a hobby? Who are his family? What activities does he engage in on the worldly scene? For instance, Matlock eats hotdogs. Wolfe raises orchids, never goes out, and is a gourmand. Barnaby Jones drinks milk. Petrocelli drinks root beer and cheats the parking meters. Holmes has his Persian slipper, his magnifying lens and his Watson. Poirot has his moustache, his fear of transportation, etc.

lookatdesktop wrote on February 14, 2020, 1:20 PM

Thank you. I need to work on it. You know I haven't ever finished hardly a story I started due to my attention deficit. But I will try to add more and try to give my character more personality and add some of his habits, preferences and so forth. And of course, Starting the story off with dialog is an good way to draw the reader into it. I have a lot to learn about writing stories and your points are good to consider. Thank you.

Last Edited: February 14, 2020, 1:23 PM

MegL wrote on February 14, 2020, 2:42 PM

I find when I am writing (and I have found this when editing stories for others too) that the story often starts out with an explanation and that once the writing has really got going, all that explanation can be cut out of the story, so it can start right in the middle with a BANG to catch the reader's attention.

VinceSummers wrote on February 14, 2020, 5:18 PM

Exactly.

VinceSummers wrote on February 14, 2020, 6:02 PM

I'm glad it helped. I wrote much like you did before the online instruction.