By in Humor

What is Restful Sleep? According to Whom?

I listed this article as Humor. It could also have been Horror. In fact, I'll let you make the call...

So I have sleep apnea. These new machines, every night, keep track of your breathing. In the morning, you can read "everything you wanted to know about last night".

For the previous two nights, I had somewhat a bad night. Although the machine claimed I'd slept nigh-on-to 10 hours, in fact, I'd spend about half of those hours awake. The pressure the machine divvied out was at the upper end of the spectrum: 19.5 to 20.0. The sleep apneas were well over 10. And there was periodic breathing.

So last night, I am hoping... I am HOPING... I'll have a better time of it.

For the first half-hour or so I did NOT have a better time. I just plain could not get comfortable. And in addition, if I sleep one way I swallow air, the other way, I become greatly squirmy and my back gives me a fit. NOT last night, thank goodness.

In fact, I fall off into restful sleep. In the morning, apneas per hour less than 6! About 9 hours of sleep. No periodic breathing. Great. Yeah, great. But get a load of the dream I had (restful sleep, yeah right!).

I'm about to start college (I'm 71). I want to know if I can learn ahead of time who my instructors are. I am told, "No".

There's an elementary school teacher standing nearby, with a small girl who is concerned. She fears she cannot fulfill an assignment on what causes planes to fly. The teacher reassures her she can do it.

I "step up" to the challenge of helping her. Only I can't TELL her why that happens. I have to help her find her own material so she can Write a report.

I take her under my wing, my wife and another person or two join us in a car, on and off, and we start out to find written materials to help her.

At some point, the girl and I are walking down railroad tracks (amazing the unnoticed changed mode of transportation). I notice all sorts of books along the tracks in various stages of repair. I pick them up. They are not romance novels or any of that other kind of stuff. No. They are (drum roll, please) kids science books. A truly amazing coincidence!

Nearby, there is a building and some men, all trashed up, whom I approach. They inform me they are book publishers! No, really? I ask if they carry a book on airplanes that shows it is not the propeller that gives an airplane its lift -- a book suitable for a child. Grudgingly, the guy says "Yes, this book."

He doesn't want to have dealings with me, yet when I ask if I can use a Visa card, after talking to his associates, he says in grumpy voice, "OK." He shoves a pile of papers in front of me to sign, but he won't let me look at the papers. I get the feeling somehow this is a corrupt place, but I'm willing to go along with him.

Only the papers turn into a collapsed cardboard box. OK.

1. A pen, with repeated efforts, does not work.

2. The surface appears to be glossy, so a black marker is handed to me. It doesn't work either.

3. I see sauce spills all over the box. I try scratching my name into the box with a stylus. THAT doesn't work, either.

I look around the property and see a hideous torn up mess, with dead animals being put into bins to feed other animals, probably predatory animals. It makes me miserable. And some macho guy comes out with another dead bird, but he is stark naked. GROSS.

I realize my wife is waiting for me and the girl in the car and must be really impatient by now. So I go to check. The car is GONE!

I wake up. Ah, the joys of a peaceful night of rewarding sleep. SO the machine tells me, anyway. If I get much more restful sleep, I'll die of exhaustion. Actually, this is a typical night of dreaming for me.

How did I have such a dream?

The night before I watched a Gregory Peck movie, in which he was a "flyer" who wanted to die after his wife had been killed. At one point, he crashes his plane. He was stuck in the wilderness, starving and nearly dead of thirst, when he saw an iguana.

And I'm always dreaming about college.

And the box in the dream was a Federal Express box. All shiny and protective. Accursed box!

I hope y'all have a nice, peaceful dream tonight. Only you've heard my story, so don't count on it.

Image Credit » Wrecked Plane

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MegL wrote on January 4, 2020, 2:15 PM

Wow! Some dream. Hope I don't have one like it. I seldom remember my dreams, possibly because I don't go to bed until midnight or even 1am and am usually up about 6 or 7am. Hope tonight is peaceful for you.

lookatdesktop wrote on January 6, 2020, 11:57 PM

I always have to bother with the water level in the vaporizer reservoir at the back end of my CPAP - BiPAP machine. I hate it when I get stuffy sinuses and can't breathe well through my nose but I take it in stride. I haven't dreamed in several weeks since I got the flu for about one month then a few days go by no symptoms, I go out shopping and running errands, then have a 3 day relapse of fever and chills so I slept one night over 11 hours and woke up in a cold sweat. It has been a rough month or more fighting this flu. Dreams are interesting even if they don't seem to make any sense.

VinceSummers wrote on January 8, 2020, 10:41 AM

The nonsensical ones are the best!