By in Personal

Anxiety & Stress - The silent killers

I stopped seeing my doctor recently. Too much anxiety and stress for me to deal with all of it.

It has become harder each day to watch the news reports about the US government shutdown and the Border Wall issue that has resulted in a stalemate of dyer proportions with over 800,000 US government employees out of work or working without pay, to feed their families, pay their mortgages and take care of their health care costs. Stress and anxiety have caused me personally to develop an ulcer. Or if it isn't an ulcer the acid reflux or GERD has become worse. I find it almost impossible to wake up every morning with a positive attitude as I was recently told that I might not only have OCD but have probably had it along with Bipolar 1 disorder my entire life.

The many daily distractions on television news about the government shutdown lasting longer than normal and the MSNBC reports on YouTube about the Mueller Investigation over alleged wrong doings from the POTUS along with the hours I spend watching end times reports from several YouTube Vloggers that I wonder just how people are able to deal with the flood of information on a day to day basis.

I wonder how stress and anxiety may take their toll on my personal health.

When my wife watches This Week or Meet The Press on Sundays, I can barely get a word in edgewise. She is asking me now to come watch This Week With George and I guess I have to leave this article at the moment and pick up later where I left off afterward.

Now that I'm back, a few hours later, I want to add this link to an article I am reading about OCD & Bipolar Disorder from

It is not easy living in this age of high anxiety but at the same time it is even harder living with an inherited condition such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder along with Bipolar Disorder.

Over the years I have been dealing with mood swings and obsessing on something that I can never really stop thinking about.

If I go to the supermarket, I sometimes, out of compulsion, straighten up the items on shelves in the store while my wife is shopping. I have been doing this for a while. I once worked at a grocery store and when I did work at Kroger I was instructed to CONDITION or ZONE the items, so I guess that sort of thing stuck with me all these years. I had to do Go Backs a lot when at Kroger, as part of my job duties.

Items that appear out of place, even now, make me feel uneasy. I remember going into a local Dollar Tree store near that Kroger I once worked at back in the day. The local Dollar Tree store is totally unorganized, to the point that it actually makes me nervous to be in that store.

I look around in that store lately and feel like I am in a chaotic place and it really does make me feel like leaving as soon as I go in there as items are all in the wrong places, and worse than that, people bring their children to shop and the children are seldom well behaved as items are picked up and thrown on the floor and the lipstick and makeup section has millions of marks of colored lipstick like graffiti art all over the display signs. I may be a bit critical but when we go shopping at a Target store, just about 12 miles away, near the edge of our city, that store is well managed, organized and everything clean and in their proper places. Shelves properly aligned, clean floors, well dressed people shopping and the clerks as well. So there seems to be a real big difference in the way both stores are managed and it really shows in the way it all looks to me. I feel calm when shopping in a store that is clean, attractive and organized with polite people, well dressed and it actually is enjoyable, but still I can not remain in that store, even Target, for too long. My wife likes to browse more than I do and at some point I want to go grab a coffee and sit at a table or take it outside to the car and wait because I have a limit to how long I can linger inside a retail store.

When there is trash on the ground, anywhere, I can't stand looking at it. I think at all the times I was told to pick up the trash at Kroger, empty the trash cans and mop the back warehouse floor and clean out the bathrooms, that I get angry and sometimes I will pick up paper trash that is in a store lobby and place it in the trash can, then go wash my hands thoroughly afterward. I even can't stand looking at the parking lot of a store, like Kroger if there are lose shopping carts all around in the middle of the parking lot. I have even taken it upon myself to help some of the courtesy clerks put back some of the carts just to stay busy while my wife shops. They know me when I show up at the Kroger, because I am the one who is picking up trash in the lobby, bringing in shopping carts with the other clerks and they don't seem to mind it at all. I guess it's my OCD Disorder that makes me motivated to do this type of thing and I wonder if anyone else has this type of situation. I never really stopped to analyze it.

They want to give me medications for my OCD and my anxiety and panic disorders along with mood swings, but I have a greater fear of what those drugs' side effects would be, after I had to quit taking Lithium as my Creatinine level was elevated when the head doctor had me taken off Lithium because my kidney function had been compromised. And due to a calcium level increase in a recent blood lab test a year ago one doctor suggested I be tested for diabetes insipitus or whatever the name of that condition. I have since then stopped drinking as much coffee, stopped drinking carbonated beverages, do not even have any beer. I try to not even have sugar. The thing is, I would rather try everything that is necessary to not hurt my kidneys or pancreas or liver by staying away from alcoholic beverages, carbonated sweet drinks, and sugary foods, just because I can see that the alternative would be pretty bad for me at my age. I am 61 years old now and my older brother and my father both developed onset diabetes in their 50s. I have not developed diabetes but the fact is, I know it is in my genes to perhaps be likely to get it later on in the next several years of my life.

If only I could find ways to minimize anxiety and stress, but I would have to move to planet Mars to get away from the modern world of high stress and instant gratification that this society has devolved into. I guess I need to learn to relax. You know? It isn't easy living in this day and age. I can see stress in people's tones of voice, facial expressions and body language. It is often that I find it calming to just talk to people and listen carefully to them. I know I am not the only one living with anxiety and stress during these times so as I continue on social networks online, I interact with other people and find that they, most of them, all have similar worries, fears and when I read their stories on writing sites and listen to them on YouTube vlogs I find that most people, are pretty much the same all over the planet. We are all living a life that is much easier than our parents and grandparents as far as getting things and transacting business as usual but on the other side of the coin, most people, like myself have some sort of stress and anxiety condition and another thing, I watch Dr. Phil on daytime television and he always has people who have problems on his shows and I can see that people all over have problems, and it's not just me.

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MegL wrote on January 20, 2019, 4:41 PM

Stress is a terrible thing. My husband suffers from stress, so I try to keep things as calm and quiet as possible, otherwise he gets symptoms of an abdominal disorder. He suffers from ulcerative colitis which gets worse when he is under stress. If life is calm he is not stressed but it is in his nature to stress about some things, whereas they don't bother me. If I am stressed from trying to do too much (child minding, housework, special diets and developing training courses, as well as my online stuff) I listen to relaxation tapes when in bed at night. There are many relaxation MP3s available for free online and I download them onto a memory stick and listen to those. They help me sleep. If I get my sleep, I am ready to go. I don't have TV and seldom listen to the radio, nor do I check the news much online. It's always the same, so I don't bother.

lookatdesktop wrote on January 20, 2019, 5:19 PM

I am so sorry to hear that. Stress is really bad when more than one thing is causing it, that is, as far as circumstances are concerned.
For me, it is the fact that our car is having serious issues. It starts normally at times and at other times I have to hold on the key until it finally starts. The ignition system or fuel system or something is wrong with it.
We are dependent on an automobile to get my wife to the doctor's office.
Otherwise, I will have to find a way to get public transportation of some kind to pick us up, when we need to get to the doctor's office.
I don't mind really but we have to find a reliable means of transportation but, the car, for the moment, may not be dependable any longer.
It has reached past 180,000 miles according to the odometer and will be about 25 years old in about 11 months.

VinceSummers wrote on January 21, 2019, 4:48 PM

Stress can affect all of us, but we can minimize it if we avoid the kinds of things that produce it in us. Although I'm not doctor, I'd suggest you avoid political controversies. For one thing, you can adjust your browser homepage to "blank page". No news, e.g. MSNBC is brought up to get you started. And avoid sites and shows featuring political issues.

Cut back on coffee. Avoid worrying about Planet Earth. True, we don't want to damage it, but it will never, no never be destroyed. Check out the scripture at Revelation 11:18. God himself is going to fix that. I could easily be stressed out. But I don't allow myself that luxury. And I put full confidence in "the Peace of God" (Philippians 4:7).

lookatdesktop wrote on January 21, 2019, 11:33 PM

Thanks for that nice vote of confidence. I too put my trust in God. I need to spend more time reading scripture and stop watching all the junk about politics. I know that will help with my stress.

Last Edited: January 23, 2019, 4:11 PM

melody23 wrote on January 25, 2019, 4:50 AM

Diabetes insipidus is a pretty common side effect of lithium, and is nothing to do with regular diabetes at all. Basically people with Diabetes insipidus cannot stop drinking, they feel so thirsty that they just drink and drink until they make themselves really ill (usually due to low sodium levels). Dose adjustment usually helps with the kidney issues. really you shouldn't just stop lithium you should be changed to something else.

It's such a high stress life we all lead these days, and we are all living in times of uncertainty (you with Trump, us with the EU) and it can be so hard to stay away from the news because its everywhere, on our TV, our smart phones, our computers but I think we need to remember that the news will always report more bad things than good. I do a lot of work on my mindset, a lot of personal development stuff and it helps a lot.

lookatdesktop wrote on January 29, 2019, 8:33 PM

I need to spend more time reading and far less time online. I really need a vacation. Thanks for the info.

Colibry21 wrote on February 2, 2019, 3:37 PM

Stress and anxiety is definitely not easy. I do face quite a bit of stress and anxiety of my own. I know how hard it can be. I can only imagine how hard it is for those who are affected by the US government shutdown. It must be hard not knowing when they may go back to work.

lookatdesktop wrote on February 2, 2019, 8:13 PM

Trump warns he will shut down the government a second time or else declare a national emergency in order to get funding for his border wall so we will be watching Tuesday when he gives the state of the union address to the nation.