By in Personal

It's about time for me to take a long look at my life.

After being tested after 20 years of being diagnosed with both OSA and CSA I have to look ahead at the day when I finally get a new CPAP or APAP or BIPAP machine. I am alive still, in spite of not having a nasal CPAP machine since sometime back in September of this year. One test did not manage to conclude the exact measure of pressure I need to sleep properly and breath properly.

I only know that.

A. My old CPAP machine is not working any more.

B. It has been about 4 months since I had a working CPAP machine to help me sleep.

C. They told me that I stopped breathing up to 45 times in a single hour during an overnight sleep study.

D. They told me I have SEVERE SLEEP APNEA and I have to wait until next month, sometime, to go to see a doctor in that same department at that same clinic just to find out if ...

1. If I qualify for insurance purposes, to purchase some type of either, CPAP or APAP machine, A stands for Automatic Continuous Positive Air Pressure. All I know for sure is, the blood pressure I have is most likely a result of my sleep apnea. My central as well as obstructive sleep apnea together in combination make me at high risk for dying in my sleep between now and the day I might or might not get my machine. And to top it all off, I may be asked or perhaps required, to take another sleep study session just to make sure they get the pressure settings right.

Meantime I go to sleep at night, thinking ... well, most people think that the best way to die is to just go to sleep and not wake up. Let me be honest. It may sound like the way to go, but I am mortally terrified of the idea.

Imagine if you had to go to sleep each night, wondering, if this will be the last night. Do I pray more these days? You bet I do. My life is literally in God's merciful hands.

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VinceSummers wrote on December 17, 2017, 8:33 AM

Are you a recipient of Medi-don't care? And the funny thing is people honestly believe if you put in this guy or that guy, everything will be better. Hah! Why some people even want to institute euthanasia...

Last Edited: December 17, 2017, 8:34 AM

MegL wrote on December 17, 2017, 8:37 AM

I think once I passed the age of 60, I expected that one day I would die and possibly in my sleep or that I would find my husband had died in his sleep. One woman I knew, woke at a young age (20s) to find her husband (also in his 20s) dying beside her in very distressing circumstances. Dying in one's sleep seems pretty acceptable compared with that. Of course, none of us will have a choice anyway! Both my sons suffer with sleep apnea to a certain extent. One has had sleep tests and tried a cpap but couldn't get on with it. The other has never been for testing but has high blood pressure. I am sorry it is taking a while to get your new CPAP machine, when it is so important to your health. You would think it would be a priority!

Angeles wrote on December 30, 2017, 5:27 PM

The idea of dying, well, I think it can terrify everybody. It does. I've also thought, lately, about it. Time flies. And, although my health, for now, is quite acceptable, it's impossible not to have this idea in mind. And I said "time flies", as I was 40 yesterday, but today I'm 51! Hope you are lucky and are able to get your new machine!!!

lookatdesktop wrote on January 1, 2018, 11:42 AM

It should be but they don't seem to mind. The system is apathy squared.

lookatdesktop wrote on January 1, 2018, 11:44 AM

I don't want to go through another long drawn out sleep study. They already know I have the problem and all they really need to do is set the pressure right and give me a CPAP machine. I have gone long enough without one as the one that is no longer working has been that way for about 4 months, even though, I don't know the actual pressure setting. I do know there are automatic adjusting pressure machines for sale and I might just save my money and buy one directly.

lookatdesktop wrote on January 1, 2018, 11:44 AM

Yea, it seems that way. But may be just like that.

Last Edited: January 1, 2018, 11:45 AM