I, Donald Trump, have the answer to the Zika virus
The terrible Zika virus is steadily marching north, shrinking babies' heads as it goes. It will soon be in the United States, carried on the backs of millions of South American mosquitos. I, Donald Trump, can save American babies from having their heads shrunk.
I alone have the solution. What we must do is erect a huge mosquito net all along the America-Mexico border, high enough to prevent any mosquito from flying over the top, and sticking out into the sea at either end in case any pesky mossy thinks of getting round the side.
We have no choice, fellow Americans, we have no choice.
Who will pay for this? It's obvious. Mosquitos - the clue's in the name, they must have been invented in Moscow. We'll send the bill to Vladimir Putin.
Image Credit » Gage Skidmore; licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic licence