My Problem With Rejection
I have just realised I have a problem. Not, you understand, a problem with feeling rejected by people. I feel accepted and loved by those I know. I have a problem with rejection when it comes to my writing.
They say that everything works together for good and today it did in a strange way. It made me admit why I don't make it properly as a write. I hate it when my writing is rejected. I get a really wierd feeling inside me and I literally fall to pieces.
Earlier I got two rejections from Zemandi. One was a long piece which the buyer said was good, but it asked for three reviews and no matter how long I spent I just could not write the review. I can just about cope with that because the main part was good even if they finally reject the article. However, the second rejection had a nasty tone. It claimed I had not used their key words and I really thought I had. It came down to a spelling of a word, I think. However the nasty tone just left me devestated, especially when the client finally rejected the article outright. I will say that Zemandi did reply to my own rather upset email explaining that it was the client who wrote the words and not them and that they will ask the client to tone down his emails.
I really should not worry for the paltry sum the article would have got anyway and other articles in the past have been accepted. I have those words about the article with the review that say the main part was fine. I am not a failure. I have even been published.
Still, however, this feeling persists. This fear of writing rejection. I feel so much safer here on Persona Paper because nobody will say "we don't like your article." In a way, that was why even Bubblews suited me. I have been featured on websites as a poet and a writer, but I cannot handle rejection.
I have days when I feel better and confident and then a tiny thing like a silly 450 word article for $2.25 rocks my world. Why?
Every so often my brain flies into space and I write something that is not great. All writers have their off moments, Why can I not deal with mine and get on with the next thing. I will not write for anywhere till I know if the other Zemandi articles are accepted. I KNOW it is silly if other articles were accepted before.
That is why my books take forever to write. That is why I put stuff up and then take it down. I look at it and compare it and think it is no good. Even a small thing like a content writer rejection throws me off. I don't promote my own stuff much in case everyone thinks it is not up to standard.
Here is the kicker. I know I write well! I just find it hard to believe I write as well as someone else even if I know I write better than many.
If this was church and about people rejection I could stand in front of a mirror saying "I am fearfully and wonderfully made." I am not so sure you can do that saying you "fearfully and wonderfully write." On the other hand maybe I should give it a go.
I don't think I am the only one. Many of us lack confidence. How then do we get it back/ How do we grow a thicker skin when we write? How can we help each other gain confidence.
A place like Persona Paper is a place of encouragement. It is also safe. If I do write something completely stupid it will probably even earn a cent or two. Maybe we can develop this as a safe place to develop for writers?
I think having a mentor might be the answer, but I have never found anyone to do that for free which is all I can afford.
Well, I have sounded off now and will hit the submit key. The worst that can happen here is that nobody replies and nobody is going to ask me to rewrite an article written for $2.25.