By in Relationships

Games People Play

Prompted By a Now Disappeared Article

Back just after Christmas, there was a post on PP called "Gone is the Christmas Tree. I had saved the link, but don't bother following it as it has gone AWOL! I think it was by DWDavisRSL . I saved the link and a few comments on my thoughts as a draft because I wanted to comment on the "way" in which the request / statement was made.

As I do not have the article available, I am now recalling what I read back just after Christmas and I THINK he said that his wife had said something like, "Do you want to take the Christmas Tree down?" he actually didn't because he liked the look of it for a few more days but when he came back from an errand, he found the Christmas tree down and all the decorations put away.

Would You Like...?

This article struck me because it reminded me of something I read some years ago about a couple travelling along the motorway (Freeway) and a service area (off road cafe / restaurant) coming up, so the wife said "Would you like a cup of tea?". The husband was driving and said "no" and kept on driving. The wife was upset because she had wanted a cup of tea but didn't get one. The husband had no idea WHY his wife was upset. The commentary on that exchange suggested that asking "would you like ..." is a common female way of saying "I would like ..." and hoping that the other person takes the hint. The reasoning behind this way of expressing a want or need is that females often feel they do not have any power, so are unwilling to say straight out, "I want a cup of tea, please stop at the services area".

Please Make My Decision For Me!

That in turn reminded me of a comment made many years ago by an elderly female acquaintance. We were discussing getting things done and I asked why she didn't just take the decision and do it (she ran her own business at that time). "Oh, no," she said, "I like my husband to make the decisions, then if anything goes wrong, it's his fault". My father always said that his own mother (my grandmother) always wanted someone else to make any decisions, so the responsibility for anything going wrong would be someone else's!

This is one of the games people play in order to always be "in the right". Another way of expressing this is to say, "Do you want .....", again, on the basis that if the person agrees they "want" to do something and it turns out badly, it is their fault, even if the suggestion came from someone else first! By the way, the phrase "Games People Play" is the title of a very interesting book by Eric Berne. If you get a chance, read it. The song "Games people Play" appears to be based on the book. You can hear a version of it at

Do You Make Your Wants Known Clearly?

If you want something, do you make your wants known, or do you hope someone else will realise what you want and offer it to you or do it for you?

Do you want someone else to make your decisions for you?

Do you take responsibility for your own wants, thoughts, needs and actions?

Image Credit »

You will need an account to comment - feel free to register or login.


lookatdesktop wrote on April 5, 2016, 6:41 PM

Since I have been married, I do not just go get something to eat. I ask my wife, when are we going to eat? And wait for her to prepare the meal as she is the expert cook and takes personal pride in cooking a meal for the both of us. Also, when she wants to have a doughnut or candy she always asks if I would like one. If I say no thanks sometimes she will not go get one for herself. If she later asks me the same question, I know she will not have on unless I say yes so I give in and we both have one. If she offers several I accept only a few. That is the only way I can keep from eating too many. Yesterday, we had tacos. I told her she needed only to make us 3 a piece. instead, she made 8 tacos, and she was unable to eat taco no. 4. I had already ate my 4 tacos to her 3 and she told me if I didn't eat her 4th taco it would have to be thrown away. I accepted her offer and ate that 5th taco, much to my later regret as it had made me feel about as stuffed as a pig. But I never said that to her. She knows I have a hearty appetite and sometimes don't know how to refuse a taco, one that is home made. lol. My stomach on the other rebelled at me for over stuffing myself. lol. The other day she made breakfast and I wasn't hungry. Later an hour or less, I made a few fried eggs. She said she would have made it for me and wondered why I did not ask her to make them. I replied, "You already did enough work in the kitchen and besides eggs are the only thing I actually do well."

Last Edited: April 5, 2016, 6:42 PM