By in Personal

Freedom Always Comes at a Price

I did not make it four hours, as I had set my alarm, but am awake after three hours. Though sleep now has been replaced by daylight, I woke up to something I love--a heavy, cleansing rain shower.

My windows are open and I am listening to the the rain hit the roof, and I can hear the gurgle sounds as it hits puddles or runs down the rain gutters. As I lie here trying to listen to the sounds I love, internally arguing with myself as adeptly as two attorneys in a courtroom, I cannot be furloughed from the responsibilities that I can no longer avoid.

My thoughts are like a self-imposed ankle bracelet to remind me of what I must do to keep me from the worst punishment--self-imposed guilt and shame. I am not tethered and being punished; I am free to go wherever I want to. Yet, I recognize just how important it is for me to continue on the path that will allow me the freedom to feel good about myself and my surroundings.

Certain events and seasons seem to evoke the all-too-familiar fall down the rabbit hole. But I have taken up residence there for far too long. This season, I am fighting my way out of the dark hole that I have conveniently labeled as "home."

Freedom is my choice now...and hibernation, without consciousness, is no longer an option.

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© Copyright 2015- Coral Levang - All Rights Reserved

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lexiconlover wrote on September 17, 2015, 11:50 AM

We feel the same way about rain. Some of my favorite nights are spent sitting on the porch watching and listening to the rain. I too love the cleansing sense and power that comes with a nice rain storm.

LoudMan wrote on September 17, 2015, 11:57 AM

Fight the depression, with everything you got. It's too easy to get wrapped up in and, better mad than depressed.

CoralLevang wrote on September 17, 2015, 11:57 AM

I love the rain when it is that cool fall rain we get up here. When the temperatures rise, I have a tough time with the humidity traveling to the midwest or easterly.

CoralLevang wrote on September 17, 2015, 11:59 AM

I know, Don. This bout has gone on for far too long. Unseasonably.

LoudMan wrote on September 17, 2015, 12:06 PM

If you're interested in some advice, keep reading this comment. If not, ignore everything after the face.
Be sure to give yourself a few minutes each day of relaxed meditation, visualizing what it is you really want. Make sure to not just see what you want to avoid but, let it be what you actually want.

And, include a little time practicing thinking about nothing. Nothing at all.

deafdiva wrote on September 17, 2015, 12:18 PM

yes freedom is a choice!

CoralLevang wrote on September 17, 2015, 12:20 PM

I used to do about 10 minutes of guided meditation daily, but got out of that practice nearly two years ago, when a friend ... never mind. It was simply a catalyst. I stopped.

Good advice.

CoralLevang wrote on September 17, 2015, 12:24 PM

It's not always an easy choice, either. emoticon :winking:

markgraham wrote on September 17, 2015, 12:46 PM

So very philosophical this article. I really like to listen to rain showers and thunderstorms.

CoralLevang wrote on September 17, 2015, 1:02 PM

I think there is definitely a pattern here. emoticon :winking:

wolfgirl569 wrote on September 17, 2015, 2:41 PM

I love the sound of rain too. Now get out and enjoy the feel of it if it is not too cold. That will really perk you up

MegL wrote on September 17, 2015, 5:20 PM

That heavy cleansing rain shower is not only cleansing the outside of your house but you too. Or it can. Maybe one of those attorneys can help the self-imposed guilt and shame run down the gutters and out to sea, eventually. I have found two techniques helpful. One is habit. Develop good habits and follow them, even when you don't want to. They need only be the simplest, like getting up, getting washed and dressed and getting fed. The other technique, which is meant to overcome the two attorneys, is to create my own adventure and live within it (or pretend you have won the lottery and what you would do with the money, in great detail). The two extracts from stories that I published here recently came from middle of the night waking with thoughts churning. Creating my own stories meant I could at least enjoy being awake instead of listening to cycling thoughts of things I SHOULD(!) have done.

Paulie wrote on September 18, 2015, 3:07 AM

Self-imposed guilt and shame is something I would not wish on anyone. As long as you are optimistic and working toward a goal, you should be okay.

CoralLevang wrote on September 18, 2015, 3:49 AM

MegL I want you to know something, which may seem a bit strange, but I'm going to say it anyway....

I love you. Truly.

jiangliu1949 wrote on September 18, 2015, 4:00 AM

It was a timely rain ,however it made you be in deeply thoughts .I hate the continual wet weather that gets me down .

cheri wrote on September 24, 2015, 10:08 PM

Praying for you that you may enjoy the freedom you deserve