New Company Referral Commission Now Available
He asked me, "About that bridge in Siberia, I may have a buyer. Is there a referral commission?"
I had not thought of offering something like that before, though I had considered how to make other referral plans work. I strongly considered options for a referral commission for any bridges sold in Siberia (or elsewhere).
So, I have decided to offer the new, the exciting "SellSiberia Referring Agent Program," known in future by "SellSiberia." This program will supersede any and all other programs that have previously been in place, effective immediately.
How It Works
1. You must set up your SellSiberia referring agent account immediately , so that it can be verified. We will make all payments to you via the PayBFF website. We do not use any other payment options.
2. You will receive commission money in your PiggyBank for each referral you make, who does business with us. Due to ever-changing currency exchange rates from one country to the next, the referral commission rate is not the same. It will be manipulated based on whatever the currency is valued, depending on whether I am in the country where the property is located or depositing or paying from my account in Switzerland.
3. As a SellSiberia Referring Agent, you must have 50 qualified buyers who have put their earnest money down.
4. Once a property sells, and the deal is done, it will go into a "WeGotEm" account, and you will be able to push your "PayMeNowDammit" button. You must have an active PayBFF account to receive your adjusted commission.
5. All referrals will be subject to background checks to make sure that buyers are legitimate. We must be fair and honest, so we will also investigate you for any and all suspicious activity.
6. It will be a minimum of 90 days before processing any payment, but for those who live in Florida expect another three-month delay.
My Promise to You
Customer service is our number one priority here at SellSiberia. You can count on us. You are part of the vision that will make us bigger than any other bridge-selling business out there. We can do it, but we cannot do it without you, our referral agents.
I give you my word--my personal promise--that I/we will do our best here at SellSiberia to make our referral and payment plans work seamlessly for you, but remember that this is a new program and everything takes time. I ask you to be patient.
And then there are some things that you don't have to worry about, because we are taking care of all of that for you. Just keep referring. If we all are going to be successful at SellSiberia, we have to count on you.
Trust me, you'll get a commission. I promise. But I can't tell you exactly how much though. I'm still working out all the glitches and details.
Don't give up on us. We love you. You are our family. Our comrades.
Peace, love and Siberian Rock'nRoll--
From your Fearless Leader
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Disclaimer: This article is a fictitious account of a fictitious company, referral program and its policies and was only written for the amusement of the author and readers. Any and all characters, companies, and details appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real companies, policies, or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
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© Copyright 2015 - Coral Levang. All Rights Reserved
Adapted from original, written and published on December 6, 2014 at Bubblews, but removed by author.
satire | writing | writingonline | referrals | smartass |
Image Credit » https://pixabay.com/en/piggy-bank-money-box-penny-bank-712593/ by johnthan
Comments
Feisty56 wrote on August 8, 2015, 11:05 AM
How imaginative and funny -- even more so because without too much hyperbole, you've captured so many of the schemes past and present intended to separate people from their money. I am reminded of the tactics of that "B" site as far as commissions and promises of payment. Thanks for the smiles. : )
CoralLevang wrote on August 8, 2015, 12:18 PM
Ah, Feisty56 ! Yes, it was exactly written for that purpose.
Three weeks later, they had the big end-of-year announcement.
1CoralLevang wrote on August 8, 2015, 12:34 PM
What, &AbbyG ? You mean you don't want to buy my bridge in Siberia?
LoudMan wrote on August 8, 2015, 2:18 PM
oooOOOOOoooo...this sounds so much better than that "Will Work for Tud" franchise opportunity I bought into. 😜
LoudMan wrote on August 8, 2015, 2:19 PM
*Fud*
omg has w embarrassing.
LoudMan wrote on August 8, 2015, 2:20 PM
...i give up...
CoralLevang wrote on August 8, 2015, 2:36 PM
ROFL You do crack me up. Don't give up. I like to laugh. :)
MegL wrote on August 8, 2015, 3:09 PM
Love this, very funny and acutely realised from real life!
CoralLevang wrote on August 8, 2015, 3:24 PM
MegL Thank you. I know some of the young folks from other sites took exception to this piece. LOL
Quite honestly, I don't think they understood it.
MegL wrote on August 8, 2015, 3:45 PM
It reminds me of some of the stories told when I was young, about Americans coming across to Europe after the war. They were perceived as having a lot of money and as being gullible, so con artists were portrayed as being able to sell them large iconic landmarks such as Tower Bridge in London.
CoralLevang wrote on August 9, 2015, 10:53 AM
I love that these anecdotes all have their own regional spins.
I remember the stories about selling the London Bridge to the Brits. ROFLMAO Seriously.
AliCanary wrote on August 10, 2015, 12:58 PM
Oh, my god, this had me howling! It was all priceless, but the "PayMeNowDammit" button was especially hilarious!
DWDavisRSL wrote on August 10, 2015, 5:31 PM
You have such an active imagination. I cannot begin to imagine where you found the inspiration for this fictional company and its business practices. I humbly bow before your creative majesty.