By in Random

Have You Ever Thought About Where You Want to Be Buried?

As you get to be my age, you might begin to think about death arrangements. Even my daughter, in her thirties, had told those who might be around when she died, that she wanted to be buried next to her brother. So she had thought about it, and she was buried where she wanted to be. In fact, my brother just called last week to say he’d been to the cemetery checking out the family graves, and he’d noticed that there was no marker on Sarah’s grave – just one on Jason’s half.

Since we live 300 miles away from Forest Lawn Sunnyside in Long Beach, where all my family is buried, we don’t get there very often to look around. I think I was last there when Sarah died. She was transported from Texas, and it was my brother who went to check on her appearance in the casket. He has always been suspicious that those who handle the deceased might not actually put the jewelry that was sent along where it was supposed to go. I’ll spare you from seeing the pictures he took. I can’t bear to look at them.

He was satisfied with the work, and even checked on Sarah’s burial and took pictures of it. That’s something rarely observed by family. It’s either done before a graveside service starts or it’s done after everyone goes home. I didn’t mind seeing those pictures, because I’d always wondered what happened to get the casket into the ground and buried.

But back to the subject at hand. After spending a fortune to transport Sarahs’s remains from Texas, and seeing how much Mom’s estate had to pay to get her to Long Beach, we weren’t too anxious to pick out our own real estate for a final resting place not knowing where we’d spend our last years. Although my in-laws are buried here in Templeton near us, they had already bought plots in Niagara Falls in Canada, and it appears we can’t sell them. If we knew we’d die here, we’d just be buried here in Templeton. That would suit me fine.

On the other hand, Kosta sometimes goes to Europe. If he should breathe his last on a foreign shore, getting him home would be an expensive proposition. Neither of us wants to choose cremation. On the other hand, Southern California traffic being what it is, we could die over the Christmas holiday, coming or going from my brother’s house. That would put us close to where the rest of my family is buried.

Where I’d really like to be buried is under a tree somewhere. I picked that kind of location for Jason because he liked being outside and he loved trees. I often had thought that if Kosta were to die far away, I’d take that spot by Jason, but Sarah claimed it first.

Now we have to find out why here is no marker on Sarah’s grave. I think we were trying to decide on the wording and got distracted before finishing the order. Or perhaps we did finish the order and they never got the marker on. One more thing we have to look into.

Have you decided what you want done with your own remains? Or will you leave that for those you leave behind to decide for you? Trust me. If you leave it to someone else, they would rather you had settled it before you took your leave of this earth.

Pictures and content are original and may not be used without permission, B. Radisavljevic, Copyright 201 5 , All Rights Reserved

Image Credit » I took the photo.

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Feisty56 wrote on August 5, 2015, 8:12 PM

It's difficult to think about one's own demise and the final arrangements that will be needed; some people put it off too long and then it's left to loved ones to make those decisions. Several years ago I joined an online site where, for free, I could list all my wishes for those arrangements. My daughter has the password to the account to access the information. It is known to all my adult children that I wish to be cremated and not be shown once I've passed. I can't see any sense in letting a funeral home pump me full of chemicals to keep my body "fresh" when I am going to be cremated.

cheri wrote on August 5, 2015, 8:25 PM

I have already thought and planned about it with my hubby. For us its okay to talk about it and make some preparations already.

GemOfAGirl wrote on August 5, 2015, 8:51 PM

I've told my family that I want to be cremated, and my ashes scattered in the ocean.

When my dad passed away, he didn't have any real specific wishes, so it was a decision that I was forced to make for him. I would have much preferred it if he'd had some final wishes for his remains. His only instruction was that he didn't want to be buried anywhere near his sister-in-law in the family plot - that left way too many other options.

oneoveralpha wrote on August 5, 2015, 9:03 PM

I figured thrown in a hole with a handful of acorns on the side of a hill somewhere.

wolfgirl569 wrote on August 5, 2015, 10:27 PM

I told my son to cremate me and plant a tree in my ashes. Its cheaper and I get to help something else grow.

msiduri wrote on August 5, 2015, 10:50 PM

Cremation and my ashes scattered over Lake Superior, near where I was born.

BarbRad wrote on August 6, 2015, 12:13 AM

I think the mortuaries like to pick up all the extra cash they can so they push extra services. On the other hand, and I speak from experience here, sometimes it's helpful to the survivors closest to the deceased to be able to see a physical body to get closure. In the case of my son, I was not there when he died. He left to go water skiing and never came back. He was transported directly to a mortuary. I had a great need to see him. It was very hard when they finally made me leave, and I was almost late for the memorial service. The casket was not at the service just his photo. For me, as his mom, the photo would not have been enough.

BarbRad wrote on August 6, 2015, 12:14 AM

That's good. It's healthy to accept death as the end result of life and talk over those arrangements rationally.

BarbRad wrote on August 6, 2015, 12:16 AM

That is hard. Funeral directors want to push all kinds of unnecessary and expensive services and if you don't know what your relative wants, it's easy to be guilted into spending too much.

BarbRad wrote on August 6, 2015, 12:16 AM

Wouldn't it be nice if the law still allowed such things?

BarbRad wrote on August 6, 2015, 12:17 AM

That's a nice way to look at it.

BarbRad wrote on August 6, 2015, 12:18 AM

Have you let your loved ones know that?

BarbRad wrote on August 6, 2015, 12:19 AM

I don't' particularly care where I'm buried. I won't really be there anyway.

FourWalls wrote on August 6, 2015, 12:49 AM

Barring something strange such as me getting married I will be buried in a mausoleum with my mother. It's weird to see my name on a grave!

morilla wrote on August 6, 2015, 1:14 AM

I have my 1st and 2nd preferences in terms of specific locations. However, since there's no guarantee that I will pass anywhere near those locations, it will be interesting to see what happens. If nothing else, I'd rather be put out in the hills than in a cemetery somewhere next to people I probably wouldn't have gotten along with in Life. emoticon :smile:

JanetJenson wrote on August 6, 2015, 2:20 AM

I had to laugh about the idea of considerately passing away on a road trip near "home." Yes, I have thought about this topic, but my ideas on it have changed a few times. One thing for sure is that when my late husband passed I was extremely glad to have opened an online account at a local funeral home with instructions archived there. This pre-planning was a free service they offered, and I cannot express how grateful I was that when the time came, all I had to do was place one very short phone call and they took care of everything. One of the few things my late husband and I disagreed about was cremation. He wanted that for himself and I didn't, at least at that time, want that option for me. He said then I had better not predecease him as we would have me cremated anyway. I think that may have been an idle threat, but one never knows.

JanetJenson wrote on August 6, 2015, 2:24 AM

I do like the bit with the acorns! I was considering a hole on some country property I have, but in that state they have a law that the heirs would have disclose the fact that a body was buried there if they ever wanted to sell the property. That would probably drive the price down...

Paulie wrote on August 6, 2015, 2:53 AM

I have decided to be cremated and to have my remains placed in Thailand where my wife sees fit. Most probably it would be on the grounds of a Buddhist temple. Out of curiosity, why don't you want your remains to be cremated?

Paulie wrote on August 6, 2015, 2:57 AM

Both of my parents were cremated and in their will they didn't want a funeral or their bodies shown after they died. They requested that their ashes be spread in the woods of our family farm.

sockii wrote on August 6, 2015, 7:48 AM

I think cremation/scattering of ashes will be the way I want to "go". The reasons for this are long enough I think I'll just write my own post about it!

CoralLevang wrote on August 6, 2015, 8:23 AM

I do not want to be buried, but cremated. Like Feisty56 , I do not want a viewing. I would, however like to have my ashes scattered at sea, and a plaque put up at one of the National Cemeteries.

BarbRad wrote on August 6, 2015, 4:46 PM

We have entirely too many regulations that play into the hands of the funeral industry. We've come a long way from those who had to dig graves along the Oregon trail.

BarbRad wrote on August 6, 2015, 4:48 PM

I will break with family tradition and pick a plot close to where I live now. My family, including my children, are buried in a cemetery 300 miles away. My husband's parents are buried here near where we live. I don't expect I'll ever see my name on a grave.

BarbRad wrote on August 6, 2015, 4:49 PM

I'd like to be buried in a forest, surrounded by trees, but that won't happen.

BarbRad wrote on August 6, 2015, 4:52 PM

Great to see you back here. Both Kosta and I prefer burial. I hope we are allowed to live out our lives naturally so that we have a choice.

BarbRad wrote on August 6, 2015, 4:54 PM

I'd rather return to dust than ashes. I'm waiting to be resurrected at the last trumpet call. I know that those who die by fire will also be made whole then, but I prefer to stay intact, if possible. It's the tradition of my faith.

BarbRad wrote on August 6, 2015, 4:55 PM

Sounds like a plan.

BarbRad wrote on August 6, 2015, 4:55 PM

Funny how we all have different preferences.

BarbRad wrote on August 6, 2015, 4:56 PM

At last you have a plan. I can see why that would appeal to you.

LeaPea2417 wrote on August 6, 2015, 5:17 PM

I have not made any formal arrangements but at the moment I think I would like to be buried in a particular cemetery in my town since I have lived in this town for 30 years.

melody23 wrote on August 6, 2015, 5:24 PM

I haven't thought that much about what I want to happen after my death. however being in the area of work I am in, I have thought a lot about what I would like to happen should I be laid up in a hospital somewhere unable to make decisions. My non-nursing friends find it odd that, at 29, I have all this worked out, but they don't see what I see every day I guess. Actually I think you have just inspired a post, more people should make medical decisions ahead of time.

Feisty56 wrote on August 6, 2015, 10:15 PM

You know, I hadn't considered this point. One of these days I need to ask the kids how they would feel about not viewing my body after death. After all, it won't affect me one way or the other.

OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on August 8, 2015, 2:25 PM

That's how I feel. I have no immediate family other than my brothers, who are much older, so I've never felt the urgency to make plans. At the moment, we still have plots my parents bought before they decided to be buried elsewhere, but we have those up for sale. There's a nice scenic view of Kennesaw Mountain from there, but as much as I love mountains, it would be useless to me if I were buried there.

VinceSummers wrote on August 14, 2015, 8:07 PM

I don't much care anymore, as I view death as very temporary. However, at one time, before I knew this, I might have said, Laurel Hill in Philadelphia.

BarbRad wrote on August 15, 2015, 3:49 AM

Yes. I guess we don't really need a grave with a view.

BarbRad wrote on August 15, 2015, 3:50 AM

I expect we will probably buy plots in Templeton. We get buried in towns were we live, so guess we'll get a choice. We live in two towns.

BarbRad wrote on August 15, 2015, 3:52 AM

Making those medical decisions ahead of time is very important.

BarbRad wrote on August 15, 2015, 3:55 AM

I'd like to stay stay near where I'm living so that i won't need to be transported to another town. Of course, my son died far from home because he was out of town when he died, and so we had to transport him a long way anyhow. We had to bring my daughter from Texas about 15 years later to rest next to him.