By in Personal

Need to Rid Myself of this Hate

I'm the kind of person who doesn't hate others. I may strongly someone but I have always seen hating people as a waste of emotion. Why feel for the person when you can simply just not care and move on with your life? I haven't truly disliked someone on the verge of hating them since I was a sophomore in high school. And that was nearly 5 years ago.

However, after this summer of going through a bad " " I guess to put it lightly, I am now in the stage. I have never felt so much hatred towards a person. So much hatred that I can understand why people kill others out of rage (don't worry, I'm not that mad crazy to go to that length) but every time I see his face I want to trip him or punch him in his stupid smug face.

I've been building up a hate for him for the past couple weeks but last night drew the line. Last night I got off work and he and his coworker were going out to smoke (they did the same last week too which I don't understand because a) they could close their store which their supposed to be doing and smoke together after having been done with their work and b) he KNOWS I get off around that time (earlier than they do).

Well, last night he and his coworker end up in front of me in the hallway that leads to the employee parking. (Before entering the hall, he had also been standing in front of his store waiting for his coworker/talking to the janitor.) Well once we get outside his coworker holds the door for me (I say thanks) and the guy walks in front of the sidewalk so I don't pass in front of him, like he's making sure I don't cross his line of vision. The second I got in my car I wanted to scream. I have NEVER felt so much hate and pain and anger in my life. I hate feeling this but there's so much anger! And it won't go away until enough time has passed. I just wish I knew how much more needs to pass before I'm actually going to get over this because I'm getting tired of waiting.

It sucks when you want to try to understand every little thing in life, why people do what they do even when their personalities don't seem to match up with their actions, but sometimes there's just things that you'll never get an explanation for and all you can do is learn to accept that fact and try your best to move past it.


You will need an account to comment - feel free to register or login.

Comments

cmoneyspinner wrote on August 4, 2015, 11:24 AM

Hate really overworks your psyche and makes you tired. I ask myself if there is something else better than I could be doing. Ten times out of ten, the answer is always "Yep!". Then I go do it.

msiduri wrote on August 4, 2015, 1:06 PM

There are little mental games you can be playing with yourself. When he does his snubbing thing, imagine he's wearing a pink tutu that's too tight around the waist (...or other areas) and he's just too embarrassed let you see his pain. When he turn his back on you, break out in a operatic aria like "Triomphe d'Amore" (sp?) from "Orpheo ed Eurodice." If this is too far from reality, amuse yourself by imaging the look on his face if you DID.

Truth is, life really is short. Wasting your time hating the loser is more than you can afford. I know because I've been down the road.

Happy hunting.

SyddyHud wrote on August 4, 2015, 1:12 PM

I don't like hating someone. There is no point to it and in the end only hurts yourself but it's hard to just rid yourself of an emotion. Only something that will go away in time.

SyddyHud wrote on August 4, 2015, 1:16 PM

Haha that would be helpful to do. And I agree. I'm not one to be hateful towards someone for I know it's pointless and will only hurt me the most but when one holds such strong emotions for someone it's going to take some time to deteriorate. And thank you!

msiduri wrote on August 4, 2015, 1:29 PM

If you've found anything I said helpful, I'm grateful. (Think pink tutu—TIGHT pink tutu)

I wish you the best.

SyddyHud wrote on August 4, 2015, 9:41 PM

That is very true. Seeing a side of him that is immature or not what I thought he was will help me get over him. And yes, they always end up coming back, usually around the three month mark or when you start to get over them completely (I've come to believe that exs have a sense for that sort of thing). Thank you :)

AliCanary wrote on August 5, 2015, 10:22 AM

I understand your point of view about hatred, but I wonder if what you really are feeling is anger and hurt which is completely understandable in the situation. Maybe it will help to know that maybe he wanted to avoid seeing you not because he is jerking you around, but because it would hurt him and he is too afraid to deal with that.

SyddyHud wrote on August 5, 2015, 12:29 PM

I feel that it probably is just anger and hurt. In the way that you want to hurt them the way they hurt you but in some strange way you still care too much about them to bring pain and hurt onto them, even though they did it to you with ease.
And that is a good way to think about it. It's situations like these where I wish I could read minds haha.

cmoneyspinner wrote on August 5, 2015, 12:48 PM

It will go away if you persist. Once you've relieved yourself of the burden, you'll feel light as a feather and free as a bird. Please don't let it weigh you down and slow you down. When your time is gone, it's gone. You can't get it back. (I know you already understand it, but it doesn't hurt for somebody to give you a nudge. Right? :)

SyddyHud wrote on August 5, 2015, 1:07 PM

Haha right! It's the whole waiting for it to get better that is the worst part. But patience is key.

cheri wrote on August 5, 2015, 8:36 PM

Hate is like drinking a poison and expecting the other person to die.

CoralLevang wrote on August 6, 2015, 5:40 AM

It sounds like he is acting this way to dig at the anger, hurt, hate. It's a control or power thing, perhaps? I'm sorry you are feeling the pain that it causes. It sounds like you are dealing better than you realize.

When I begin to feel this way, and even at 60 (in 4 days), I have moments where I can go into the feelings, too. What I have learned to do, is to consciously make a decision to not allow certain people to have that kind of control over me, which is all in my mind, any way. I have to sometimes sit in a car, close my eyes, take a deep breath, and go somewhere in my mind (I choose a beach that I love) and walk along the beach with my toes in the water (in my mind) and release the energy with each breath.

I also do a silent chant in my head. (Writing this all seems crazy, as I am writing it. People will now know that I am nuts! emoticon :winking: ) Sometimes, I do it aloud, when no one is around. I do the the same visualization of the beach. I take a breath in, and upon steady release of the breath, I think or speak these words: I love myself. I love the smell of the ocean. I love the sound of the trickle at my feet. I love the taste of the salt air. I love the sun's warmth upon my skin. I love that I am alive to experience all of these things. I love myself and all that I am. ....... In that moment, I feel unable to feel the anger/hate, so I have substituted another feeling for what I could be feeling, as I cannot feel both at the same time. So, it gives me some momentarily relief. I try to do this for 5 or 10 minutes at a time. I have learned to do this daily for 10minutes, but have gotten out of the practice of it, each morning and each evening. It's really just basic meditation. It has been a lifesaver for me...literally.

SyddyHud wrote on August 6, 2015, 11:21 AM

That is a good idea. Just taking a moment to relax yourself. I usually take a moment to take a deep breath but changing the mental state sounds like something that would work even better.

ScarletRose wrote on August 6, 2015, 11:36 PM

I don't have hate in my heart for anyone no matter how badly they treat me. I think that those feelings just make the other person win.

SyddyHud wrote on August 7, 2015, 12:26 PM

That's how I feel about hate. However, sometimes it's hard to control feelings. For instance, I still care for this person but feel so hurt and betrayed that I don't want to like them so I have to turn those feelings into something else and unfortunately a strong dislike for them is the only thing that can come close to cover the strong feelings I have. For right now, not trying to care is difficult to accomplish.