Do It Out of Love, Not Obligation
Last year, I received some correspondence from an acquaintance who shared that he took his mother grocery shopping on Sundays. It is a Sunday ritual for them. For helping her, she buys him groceries for week.
I was terribly disturbed, however, when he wrote, "When I am with my mom and my brother, I am bored to death. But I do not want to hurt my mom's feelings."
It struck me that he does not value the time he spends with his mother.
There are times when we all do things that are less than exciting. Sometimes, they are downright painful, or "boring," as he called it. His impetus for doing this was out of obligation to his mother, not wanting to feel the guilt for having hurt her feelings.
There are times when each of make this type of decision. We feel obligated, not wanting to look bad to others, or to avoid other fears and emotions. Rather than say that we do not have the time, do not want to, do not see the value in, or any other reason it is okay not to want to do or say something, we swallow our words and agree to do what we do not want to do.
We put ourselves in a black or white situation. When we do so, how else are we likely to feel other than bored, obligated, locked-in, slighted or guilty?
The answer is to see the situation through a new lens, especially if we are going to make the decision to do what we do not want to do anyway. We have to choose to look at the act of what we do differently.
My response to him: "Do it because you love her...and for no other reason. There will come a time when you will not be able to do for her. You are giving her, but more importantly, you are giving yourself a precious gift that you will cherish with all your heart some day."
It was a reminder to me that everything I do is a choice. How I view that choice will always be up to me.
And today, on the anniversary of my mother's passing, how I wish that I could take my Mom shopping!
shopping | groceries | Mom | love | family
Image Credit » http://pixabay.com/en/supermarket-shopping-sales-store-435452/ by itkannan4u
Comments
MegL wrote on June 14, 2015, 4:57 PM
This is so true. It is better to learn to love the jobs we must do. I wish I had time over with my grandmothers. My mother visited us each year and I spent as much time as I could with her then but she was a very difficult person to know. She would talk or gossip about others forever but never of herself.
wolfgirl569 wrote on June 14, 2015, 5:00 PM
Sounds like he is very spoiled to me. He is bored with the shopping even tho it benefits him also.
CoralLevang wrote on June 14, 2015, 6:19 PM
They don't always make it easy to love them, MegL , that's for sure. I often wonder if my daughter laments the same thing of me.
CoralLevang wrote on June 14, 2015, 6:20 PM
I agree, wolfgirl569 , and this was a grown-ass man around 50ish?
paigea wrote on June 14, 2015, 8:51 PM
I wonder if I know this same man? I do things for my elderly relatives out of love and caring, but the sense of obligation is present as well, I have to admit.
valmnz wrote on June 15, 2015, 1:35 AM
Much of life is boring at times, yes we do things from obligation, but as you say, love, especially for family members, should over ride all other factors. Time together is definitely precious.
BarbRad wrote on June 15, 2015, 4:12 AM
I totally relate to this. I lost my own mom a little over ten years ago.
CoralLevang wrote on June 15, 2015, 5:24 AM
Unless he is in western Washington, there must be two of them. LOL
CoralLevang wrote on June 15, 2015, 5:24 AM
Unfortunately, many of us do not learn that until it is too late.
CoralLevang wrote on June 15, 2015, 5:25 AM
It is hard to believe that it's been four years for my mother. I wonder if it ever really gets easier.
CalmGemini wrote on June 15, 2015, 8:14 AM
I think all he needs to read is this. "Do it because you love her...and for no other reason. There will come a time when you will not be able to do for her. You are giving her, but more importantly, you are giving yourself a precious gift that you will cherish with all your heart some day." '' And today, on the anniversary of my mother's passing, how I wish that I could take my Mom shopping! ''. Of course,I doubt he will understand all this.
CoralLevang wrote on June 15, 2015, 12:11 PM
CalmGemini Thank you, though your comment made the tears well up in my eyes.
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