By in Personal

Taking a Sabbatical (or Break) to Find Some Peace, Grounding, and Answers

If only I could take a true sabbatical, getting paid to do so. So, for those of us not in academia, we call it a "break."

I am overwhelmed by much of life right now, and cannot keep up with it all. I have shared tidbits here and there, and will continue to write. However, I need to concentrate on getting things taken care of and need to figure out what I need to do and how.

That being said, let me alleviate any concerns about my state of health for those who follow that issue. My blood markers have been "stable," meaning no concern that they are going haywire. I continue to get my monthly injection of Sandostatin LAR, which keeps any symptoms at bay for now.

I do get fatigued a bit more lately, so I might be well-served by learning to "let go" of some of the things that are troubling me. I have to remember that I have little control over much of what most bothers me, for instance: My daughter, her divorce, and how she chooses to proceed/act in relationship to the situation, and all the players, including her parents.

When I find myself more stressed, old feelings and behaviors rear their ugly heads in my life. These are the things that I thought I had under control in my past. Though that may be true, there are different layers that must be examined.

One of the triggers, as I am coming to understand it, was my father's death in January. Though I cannot change the relationship we had in my childhood, or the lack of relationship in my adult years, I am grieving deeply for what was lost decades ago.

So I hold on for dear life. My freezer shows evidence of that. As I was working through all that was stuffed in there in January, when RGD was staying with me in his recovery and I was managing it rather well, it is back to being stocked with enough for a family of four for a couple of months. I live alone.

So, I plan on making a list again, and working on getting through it again. I may need to make a decision to cook food and bring it to share with others--containers of soup, casseroles, quiches, and more. I know that I feel happiest when I am sharing. I probably need to be more willing to invite others over to spend time with me, rather than become reclusive, when I am not working.

It is summer time in the Pacific Northwest, so there will be more opportunity to get out in the light, long days, and I will try to do that, as well. It may be time to regularly make pasta salads, which keep well, and others seem to enjoy sharing.

Writing--as I shared, I am working on two blogs. You may be familiar with my regular blog, Beyond the Challenges of Life. The other is a new blog, under a pen name, to try to reach a niche audience, and to journal about a very specific issue in order to learn more and to reach out. At some point, I may integrate the two blogs, but that will be at a further date.

I am also planning on how I am to take my coaching and business to new levels. I do not want to rely on the occasional one that is thrown my way, but to be more purposeful.

So, though not in a nutshell, because this was rather a long post to fit in walnut-size, I wanted to let you know why I may not be as interactive as I could be, even if I write from time-to-time. I will do my best.

Know this: I care about each of you deeply and I wish you much love and many blessings. I simply need to step back and be a bit selfish for awhile, and I will post from time-to-time to keep you abreast of what is going on. I do not want to disappear and isolate, as is my tendency when I am most overwhelmed.

Thank you for your continued friendship, support and love. If you have my email address, please feel free to use it. If not, please find me on my blog and leave a note to stay in touch. I do try to answer all email and messages/comments left on the blog.

Peace, joy, and many blessings to you...


P.S. I had to laugh at the Captcha prompt for me to enter: "swirling vortex of entropy"! The Universe is leaving clues everywhere! emoticon :winking:

Image Credit » by makunin

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morilla wrote on June 1, 2015, 1:00 AM

Periodically in Life, we have to make the decision to take care of 'self.' Some feel that such is 'selfish' in its focus. I suppose it CAN be in certain instances. However, as they say, there's only one person who can take care of 'you' and that's 'you.' Periodically, we have to come to grips with what we can 'control' and what we can't; which means that, sometimes, we have to learn to 'let go' of what we can't whether someone else wants us to or not. At other times, we have to prioritize those things we do have some power to 'control' or 'influence'... whether someone wants us to or not. That's not so much a concern with 'personal profit or pleasure' as it is 'survival.' Thus the phrase: Do what you gotta do.

MegL wrote on June 1, 2015, 1:57 AM

You do coaching for others. That can be very tiring, as well as everything else. Can you find a coach or even a sympathetic ear to listen to you? You are journalling here, which may be helpful, but as well as a break perhaps you need a listening ear too. All the best for your sabbatical.

CoralLevang wrote on June 1, 2015, 2:05 AM

Thanks, morilla ! You always are a "voice of reason," which I wholeheartedly appreciate about you.

CoralLevang wrote on June 1, 2015, 2:07 AM

MegL Funny that you should mention that. I've been looking for someone (counselor, therapist) who specialises in cognitive-behavioral therapy. Thank you so much for your sound advice.

jiangliu1949 wrote on June 1, 2015, 5:42 AM

A break does rejuvenate you and allow you to marshal your thoughts about what You have been doing .By the way ,are you responding well to Octreotide ?

Hollyhocks100 wrote on June 1, 2015, 6:16 AM

I tend to hide away when I most need company and support too. At least you are recognising this in yourself and realise it´s not the best way to carry on. Friends and family are there to be leaned on from time to time Coral so don´t hold back. As for your daughter, oh what stress and worry they can bring. She is a big girl now, though love, so try not to become too enmeshed in her life, you have enough to cope with and worry about in your own. It´s not being selfish, it´s allowed her to stand on her own two feet.

CoralLevang wrote on June 1, 2015, 10:40 AM

Thanks, jiangliu1949 . You know about Octreotide??
I have been on it for nearly 3 years now, and have had no issues. It seems to control the symptoms, as I have had no flushing since I've been on it. The biggest symptom I deal with is the bowel issue, but instead of every other day before dx, maybe 1 or 2 times a month. I think that is progress and responding well.

CoralLevang wrote on June 1, 2015, 10:43 AM

Solid advice, Hollyhocks100 . I do not want to lose touch with you. Perhaps we could stay in touch via email? If you were to leave a message on my blog, I think that will give me your address. Please let me know if you might be interested . Hugs.

SoundNFury wrote on June 1, 2015, 1:33 PM

Sometimes a break, or a period of time away from things, can provide the needed fresh perspective we need to better deal with whatever issues may exist for us. Good luck with the new blog! Best wishes.

seren3 wrote on June 1, 2015, 4:42 PM

CoralLevang "swirling vortex of entropy" ! How uncanny is that! I hope you have many long evenings with a light breeze and a beautiful sunset - and no mosquitoes emoticon :smile: ! You are always number 1, and all the better for others if you care for yourself exactly as needed. (don't our kids though, suck us into that "swirling vortex..." and all that it entails!)

AliCanary wrote on June 1, 2015, 5:17 PM

I am so sad that you are struggling with these stresses. You have a lot of self-awareness about the "freezer issue" being related, but it is a really clear example of how suffering a devastating loss can lead to hoarding behavior. Part if it is from wanting to hang on to things because, unlike people, things stay with us as long as we want them to, but there is another aspect of it, too, which you hinted at when you mentioned having food for a family: There are usually some dreams for a better life attached to hoarding, and in your case, it seems that you dream of family dinners. Having lost your dad and feeling at odds with your daughter has probably made this seem like something unattainable, but your idea about making dinner for a group of friends (after all, they are the family that we choose) will provide that loving communion, in which you may find a balm to soothe your heart and soul.

Last Edited: June 1, 2015, 5:19 PM

valmnz wrote on June 2, 2015, 1:51 AM

You are one wise lady who knows what she needs. Look after yourself and Kia kaha, stay strong.

jiangliu1949 wrote on June 2, 2015, 3:30 AM

I have heard of Octreotide -a synthetic analogue of somatostatin ,which is also used to treat acromegaly.Hope everything goes well !

VinceSummers wrote on June 6, 2015, 6:55 AM

Wait a mo... Are you a fellow sufferer of acromegaly? The names of those drugs are quite familiar. The combination of surgery and gamma knife seem to have done the trick for me, but we are all different. As to the "life's issues" matter, while I know I must live with a number of those, I get considerable strength from this website: You might give it a try...

CoralLevang wrote on June 6, 2015, 9:41 AM

soundnfury thanks so much. emoticon :smile: I'm hoping so on all counts.

CoralLevang wrote on June 6, 2015, 9:43 AM

seren3 I know! Sometimes, I wonder about captcha and if it targets on some sort of key words. Thanks for your kind words...and yes, on the kids' swirling vortexes!

CoralLevang wrote on June 6, 2015, 9:46 AM

AliCanary Thank you so much for your kind, loving words. You are a very intuitive woman. I know that this is just a stage that I must get through on this journey. Just one more thing I want to do here....HUGS to you, dear lady. You touch a part of me that few do.

CoralLevang wrote on June 6, 2015, 9:47 AM

valmnz Thank you, dear Val. *hugs and much love*

CoralLevang wrote on June 6, 2015, 9:58 AM

VinceSummers No, I do not have to deal with acromegaly, though I know others who have. Octreotide (sandostatin) is used also for a treatment of the symptoms that many of us with Carcinoid Cancer/Neuroendocrine Tumors (NETs) live with. I was diagnosed with stage 4 carcinoid cancer three years ago. When it metastasizes to the liver, the tumors produce serotonin in extreme amounts. The octreotide helps to suppress the hormones that increase the symptoms of dealing with the cancer. Thanks for sharing your story/support.

Last Edited: June 6, 2015, 9:59 AM

AliCanary wrote on June 7, 2015, 12:01 AM

Hugs right back to you, my friend! I hope that you find the happy and calm state that you deserve. I am very grateful for your support, as well.