By in Personal

We're gonna party without a Wedding Party

The meeting at the venue on Thursday went seamlessly. Sure, Will couldn't be there and neither could his dad. But, not one ill word was muttered. At least not around me and that's really all I gotta worry about. We paid the deposit that secured that venue for next year. Whew! It's a huge step. The first really big one to our actual wedding. It's exciting and scary all at the same time.

Will and I are pretty non-traditional people so our ceremony in gonna be full of non-traditional things. The name of the thing itself has been a point with us. He feels that weddings are a religious thing, held in churches. Since we're not religious and getting married on a farm, we're calling it a ceremony. This ceremony will probably be only 5 minutes long with some sort of secular officiant. We're also not having a wedding party.

I didn't think not having a wedding party would be that big of a deal for people but that's not really been the case. I figured since it's our wedding, we'd do things our way. There were a couple reasons for not having a wedding party. First was that Will's best friend lives in Washington state. I thought it was cruel to ask him to fly halfway across the country solely to be in our wedding; it's just not fair. I can't do that to a friend. Secondly, between Will and I we've got four sisters and you can't choose some but not all to be bridesmaids. So if I have one, I have four bridesmaids and that doesn't even include close friends of mine. It just took on a life of it's own and I wasn't gonna take it. And the more I work through wedding things for myself and Will, the more I realize that I don't want to coordinate other people on top of that. I think if I had to pick colors for other people's dresses and ties and shoes as well as hair and makeup I might go crazy and call the whole thing off.

So for my sanity, I said no wedding party. It's a party about us so that's what we're focusing on. I thought people would understand that and, admittedly, most of them have. There have been a couple people whose jaws just drop. "Well, whose gonna sign your marriage license?" they'll say, "Who'll be your witnesses?" They find it necessary to remind me that traditionally, the maid of honor and best man sign these documents. To all of those people, and anyone else that wants to lecture me on tradition, the only thing I have to say to you is this. Traditionally, women were property and marriages were transferring that property from one man to another. So you'll have to forgive me if I don't give a flying monkey about your tradition.

Image Credit » by NGDPhotoworks

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WordChazer wrote on May 16, 2015, 2:55 PM

Go you! That sounds really good idea! We tweaked all the in-laws' noses by flying abroad and only inviting a select group of friends and rellies to our wedding. They were enough to deal with, trust me.

GayleStorm wrote on May 16, 2015, 4:18 PM

That sounds wonderful! Our venue can only hold around 100 people so some people won't get an invite and that's just how it's gonna be.

WordChazer wrote on May 16, 2015, 7:07 PM

We had 12 including the celebrant and the photographer. My husband had been looking for a way to exclude many of his large family and this was it, apparently. I have 3 living relations,all of whom were at the wedding. He invited 2 of his; they added a friend. We had his best mate as best man, and best mate's gf was my bridesmaid. My Godmother and her partner were also there. The celebrant was a lovely Southern Baptist style lady. The photographer was Jewish. My parents have no religion. I identify as Anglican. My husband is practicing Church of England. My godmum and her partner are Catholic. My husband's aunt is Methodist. There is no way we could all have agreed on a ceremony. So we herded everyone we had invited into the chapel in the Empire State in New York and had a simple service there. Those who weren't invited felt themselves slighted. So it goes at times.

Hope your ceremony goes well. I'm looking forward to hearing more about it. (edited to correct odd spacing)

Last Edited: May 16, 2015, 7:09 PM

Hollyhocks100 wrote on May 17, 2015, 7:53 AM

Good for you , stick to your guns. When I married the love of my life we had a register office wedding and a party at home afterwards. It was all we could afford and all we wanted anyway. Unlike some the important bit for me was marrying the only man I ever wanted to marry, everything else took second place.

seren3 wrote on May 17, 2015, 5:19 PM

GayleStorm I agree! Women are no longer "given away". I have been to a few weddings that easily cost $50,000.00, with reception and all. Why not give a couple a down payment on a home instead?

LeaPea2417 wrote on May 27, 2015, 5:50 PM

That is very good. It is good to break tradition in certain situations.