By in Animals

In Honor Of My Dog Benny

I feel very compelled to write about the loss of my dog. To put my feelings into words may help me to put some closure on this. I am new here and this will be my first post. I can totally understand if no one finds it at all interesting because it is about me, about my feelings of loss, and to put into words what my dog meant to me. It is a letter to my best pet ever that left me on Thursday, March 19, 2015.

My Dearest Benny,

The day you scampered into my life was a very happy occasion for me. Of course you didn't realize it but I was very sad and lonely. I remember on the drive to pick you up I wondered what I might be getting myself in for. I had only seen a badly taken photo of you and you were so tiny! I pulled into the parking lot where the woman who had you wanted to meet. I spotted the car she had explained to me earlier on the phone and pulled up along side of it. As I stepped out of the car I seen this little black ball of fur. My heart sank!! I immediately reached for you and took you in my arms. In that split second I knew that you were mine.

Oh my dear Benny you gave me years of happiness. The way you would chase a squirrel up a tree or run around me as fast as you could in circles! You probably didn't know that when I would leave in the morning to go to work that I looked forward to seeing you when I returned. Those floppy ears bouncing at the door as I stepped in. You never made demands on me unless it was for a treat! You loved your treats didn't you my boy. I loved taking you for walks to watch your reaction to the outside world. How huge the world must have looked to you.

Sadly you started to become ill with diabetes and it broke my heart to watch you go into blindness. It all happen so fast. The day I realized you couldn't see was the worse day of my life. You were so scared. I tried everything I could to make you feel safe. Watching you lay there with your little paws under your chin I would wonder what you were thinking.

The day I took you to the vet you were so sick. I had no clue that I would be losing you that day. I knew I would have to deal with that eventually but not that day. When all was discussed and the vet told me we had to make that decision it was the hardest thing I can remember doing. I held you and cried. I didn't want to lose you.

When the vet came back into the room and it was time I wanted to run out of that place so fast! I wasn't thinking about you, and how you were suffering, I was thinking about me, and how I would suffer without you. It was time to put my feelings aside and do the right thing. It was the longest 5 minutes of my life. All I could say to you was that I was so sorry for doing what I had to do, that I loved you, that I would never forget you and then you were gone.

I would like to think that you are chasing squirrels and having a grand time. That you are not in pain. That you are no longer suffering. I do believe that in my heart.

Benny, I miss you and I will never forget you and what you brought into my life. I love you.

Rest In Peace.


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Comments

Alexandoy wrote on March 23, 2015, 7:21 PM

What a sad post. When our first dog died, we were devastated. I had even wrote a song for Jedi and the title is May 19 - the day she died. If you care to see the mtv of that song, here is the link - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gNyNj0kAPI

wolfgirl569 wrote on March 23, 2015, 11:05 PM

That is sad but beautiful. I am sure Benny knows you did what you had too and will wait for you

crowntower wrote on March 27, 2015, 11:48 AM

Did the doctor put him to sleep? When my cat died I was in the province and luckily I am there or my whole family will see me crying too much, when I got home I hug his son and took care of it. I guess that is his last will. Before I went to province he cried to me and looking at the window, asking me to take his son inside the house and let him son eat his leftover food, so I did, and that was the last time I talk to him in a way we understand one another, that is one hardest part of my life.