Humans Are So Gullible, by Guiness the Cat
Hello, this is Guiness the Cat with the latest lame-brained thing my human did.
She started out the day spending hours cleaning house. I don't know why. She's just going to get it dirty again.
I kept telling her there were more important things to life. Besides eating and sleeping, there's going outside. And I wanted to go outside. But she just kept doing laundry and washing dishes and telling me we'd go outside later, after the piano lesson.
Now, piano lessons I can see, since they do bring in money to fill the cat dish. But nobody's paying her to wash dishes.
So we get to the point where we--I mean, she--starts straightening the living room, and she takes my cat sheet off my coffee table to brush the cat hair off it. I don't know why. I mean, that's pretty pointless, too. I don't know why she even insists on keeping my coffee table covered up, anyway. Some ridiculous rambling about scratches and white spots from cat puke. It's my coffee table. What should she care?
Anyway, she took the sheet out on the porch to brush it, and said I could go with her "just for one minute".
That's what she said. One minute.
So out we go. She brushes off the sheet and goes back in the living room to put it back on the table, and I thought she'd come right back outside and drag me inside with more of this "we'll go later" stuff. I think that's what she thought, too.
As you know, I'm not allowed outside by myself unless she's with me or watching me from the living room because of some silly human hang-up about me getting lost (I know exactly where I'm going) or eaten by coyotes or snakes or deer. Silly human. Deer are vegetarians, and I don't eat vegetables.
So, anyway, I was expecting her to come back outside. So I waited. And waited. And she didn't.
So I left.
Minutes went by. She's rushing around trying to get things done before the piano student, why I don't know, and she walks back through the living room and I'm not there. So she panics. Now she comes outside and starts calling me.
Meanwhile, I'm behind the house, where I'm not supposed to be without her. So I hear her and come booking around the corner by the garage as she comes around the corner from the opposite direction.
And she says, "Good boy, Guiness!"
Good boy? Seriously?
She went on and on. "What a good boy! You came when I called you! Good boy! Let's go get a treat!"
Seriously, how gullible can you get? I'm behind the house and she thinks I'm a good boy because I'm trying to get out of trouble?
So we go inside and get a treat and she says, "I forgot about you. You scared me."
If she forgot about me, how come I'm the one who scared her ? But I didn't contradict her. I just took the treat and purred to let her know I forgave her.
Gullible, gullible, gullible. It's pitiful, but it does come in handy.
Sincerely, Guiness the Good Boy (That's my story and I'm sticking to it.)
***
Content (c) 2015 by Guiness the Cat. May not be used without permission. All rights reserved, and all that other stuff humans say.
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Image Credit » Photo (c) 2015 Debbi Craton. May not be used without permission. All rights reserved.
Comments
WordChazer wrote on March 14, 2015, 7:02 PM
Guiness. Giving your Chief Tin Opener heart failure by disappearing is not a good idea. I'm with her on this. Less of the disappearing and more of the dutiful moggie, please.
melody23 wrote on March 14, 2015, 7:04 PM
Oh Guiness you do make me laugh! Getting a treat and getting out of trouble sounds like a good deal to me. Bramble the bunny does a similar thing, he hides behind the TV unit where he knows he is not supposed to be because I worry he might eat through a wire and electrocute himself (he claims he is not daft enough to do that but I am a silly human and I have silly human worries, like injured bunnies and large vet bills) I fret and worry trying to convince him to come back out from there and eventually coax him out with a treat, therefore every time he is naughty and goes behind the TV unit he gets a treat!
2j2jworkz wrote on March 14, 2015, 7:32 PM
Those humans are wacky aren't they G? -the fluff
MelissaE wrote on March 14, 2015, 8:04 PM
I'm glad all are safe and sound in cat world.
LindaCPearson wrote on March 14, 2015, 9:50 PM
Guiness - it's Mildred. I hate to say it, but you are naughty. You shouldn't go to places Debbi doesn't want you to go to. Something terrible could happen to you and then what would I do? Try to be a good kitty and not worry Debbi or me. Your faithful friend, Mildred the Cat.
OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on March 15, 2015, 12:41 AM
This is Guiness the Cat. What she doesn't know won't hurt her.
OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on March 15, 2015, 12:43 AM
This is Guiness the Cat. We animals know the way to the treat bag.
OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on March 15, 2015, 12:44 AM
This is Guiness the Cat. Totally. But that works to our advantage sometimes.
OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on March 15, 2015, 12:44 AM
This is Guiness the Cat. I had quite the chuckle, too. Let's both do it again tomorrow.
OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on March 15, 2015, 12:45 AM
This is Guiness the Cat. Don't worry. The deer are no threat to me whatsoever.
OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on March 15, 2015, 12:49 AM
My dear sweet Mildred,
2Don't worry. I almost always stay in sight. After all I'm Such-a-Good-Kitty. But it does get boring being so wonderful, and sometimes a kitty just has to take a walk on the wild side and check out the back yard. I checked for deer, turkeys, coyotes, and armadillos first. (Still have no idea why we have armadillos in north Georgia.)
Love, your Sweet Punkin Such-a-Good-Kitty, Guiness the Cat
celticeagle wrote on March 15, 2015, 1:46 AM
Sounds like a pretty silly day for cat or person. Here's some advice: Don't surprise the one who feeds you.
trufflehunter wrote on March 15, 2015, 2:14 AM
What a great story! You're a great writer as well as a good boy, Guiness!
scheng1 wrote on March 15, 2015, 5:36 AM
If we can get cats to clean up the house, we humans do not need to spend hours on housework.
LindaCPearson wrote on March 15, 2015, 9:32 AM
Dearest Guiness - I do know what you're saying about things getting boring. I get sooooo bored sometimes and I'm never allowed outside. That's when I sometimes play with the furniture and wallpaper. If I could play with some of those cute little mice and birds and chipmunks outside, I wouldn't have to play with the furniture and wallpaper.
Stay safe. Your gal pal, Mildred the Worried.
SLGarcia wrote on March 15, 2015, 3:19 PM
You are so right Guiness. Just remember - you are the one in control!
wolfgirl569 wrote on March 15, 2015, 7:18 PM
Guiness that was not really a good boy. You knew you should wait for her, but glad you did go to her when she called. Even if you were trying to cover up what you did.
OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on March 15, 2015, 11:28 PM
Dear Mildred,
1I get ya. I'm a pretty big pest when I'm bored. I can maow incessantly every 23 seconds for hours upon hours when I want to.
Sincerely, Guiness the Cat.
OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on March 15, 2015, 11:29 PM
This is Guiness the Cat. But it's a good way to guilt her into treats.
OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on March 15, 2015, 11:32 PM
This is Guiness the Cat. Aww. You're so sweet.
OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on March 15, 2015, 11:34 PM
This is Guiness the Cat. But you just don't get it. Cats are Management. It's the staff's job to do the housework.
OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on March 15, 2015, 11:37 PM
This is Guiness the Cat. Except for not being able to open the door or a can of cat food, you'd better believe I'm in control.
1OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on March 15, 2015, 11:39 PM
This is Guiness the Cat. I know that and you know that, but as long as my human is gullible enough to believe I'm a good boy, let's not tell her otherwise.
BarbRad wrote on March 16, 2015, 5:03 AM
Well, Guiness. I hope you enjoyed all that time outside without human supervision. I suppose Debbi will keep a closer eye on you next time. I'm glad all went well.
OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on March 16, 2015, 2:48 PM
Dear Barb,
Yes, it was a lot of fun. I do enjoy dragging Debbi around with me, though. I've already taken her out once today for a photo shoot, and I'm trying to convince her to do another right now. Different angles of the sun, and all that kind of stuff.
Sincerely, Guiness the Photogenic Cat
agvulpes wrote on March 17, 2015, 5:42 AM
Well Guiness I think you are selling yourself short ! You only got one treat? Our Oliver when he comes inside get three treats! But then again he's a Puppy and Puppies are smarter than Cats aren't they ? LOL
OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on March 17, 2015, 10:59 PM
This is Guiness the Cat. I get three or four treats when I come for my insulin shot. Does Oliver come for shots? And if dogs are so smart, why is it cats who rule the internet? I don't see very many blogging dogs around, and yet we cats have our own Professional Cat Bloggers Association.
agvulpes wrote on March 18, 2015, 7:27 AM
Well G'day Guiness the Cat this is Oliver I'm so smart that I don't need insulin shots (whispers- but I do get three treats every time my human takes me for a walk and I do woopsie) Do you get paid for taking a poop ?
rebelann1949 wrote on March 18, 2015, 5:07 PM
Oh how I wish mine would let me go out by myself ... but noooo, she insists on carrying me so I don't even get to feel that green stuff that on the ground where my pups are playin ... cheeeeeze, sooo unfair ~o.o~ Boobear here.
OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on March 19, 2015, 12:14 AM
Dear Oliver,
There are some things a cat will draw the line at, and getting paid to poop is one of them. (I did get paid to do a in-home product study on cat litter once, but that doesn't count).
Sincerely, Guiness the Cat
OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on March 19, 2015, 12:16 AM
Dear Boobear,
My human insists on carrying me when I'm outside sometimes, too, like when she expects me to take a walk with her to somewhere SHE wants to go. It makes no sense.
Sincerely, Guiness the Cat
HappyLady wrote on March 20, 2015, 3:32 AM
Oh these humans! I am most worried though. Human 1 cleans stuff, but she has not ever let me sit in the coffee table. Am I missing something? We have one, so I will have to investigate. It may require me to look very cute as it might be like the dining table and Human 1 has some very odd ideas about whether cats can sit in that. As for forgetting you? At least Debbie had some cat treats. Live from Freya the treat less Catblog Cat.
OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on April 4, 2015, 4:01 PM
Dear Freya the treat-less Catblog Cat,
I'm so sorry to hear about Human 1's quite odd ideas about the coffee and dining tables. I don't know where they get these silly notions. My human has taken to covering up the coffee table with something from my collection of cat linens. Honestly. Just because I puked on it a time or two or three and left white spots. And maybe scratched it a little. Good grief. It's older than she is. It could stand a good refinishing anyway.
Sincerely, Guiness the Cat
rosepetal wrote on April 12, 2015, 2:46 PM
I can understand you wanting to go outside, but you do need to be careful Guiness. There are just too many wild animals about that could take advantage of you.
OldRoadsOnceTraveled wrote on April 12, 2015, 11:03 PM
This is Guiness the Cat. You would not believe the car-attacking, car-racing turkey we have who thinks he owns the place. Of course, he's terrified of me (which is why he acts like I'm not here when he sees me), but he has it in for cars.