By in Humor

Dumb Stuff I Have Observed, Part V - for Very, Very Dumb

1. The only time Law and Order ever says, “The following story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event” is when they are TOTALLY going to do an absolutely nonfictional story about completely actual people and events.

2. The difference between dogs and cats is that you can train a dog to walk BEHIND you.

3. It's not fair, but fat people have to dress better when they go out. When you see a skinny person in sweats, you think they are fresh from a workout. When you see a fat person in sweats, you think “What a slob; couldn't even get dressed to leave the house.”

4. Please quit offering the weak argument that spelling is not grammar. Grammar Nazis already understand this not-very-fine point. We are multitaskers.

5. When the cookie recipe calls for butter, one must not use oil. And one must DEFINITELY not use olive oil.

6. I always watch TLC's Extreme Cheapskates with a mixture of fascination and disgust. You know, I think I watch every single one of TLC's programs that way. Maybe that's what they are going for. They should change their name from The Learning Channel to The Freak You Out Channel.

7. Subscribing to things that you don't have time to read is only going to lead to frustration and regret.

8. I understand we all make mistakes, but if the situation merits it, I will not be denied a hearty laugh at your expense. Just so you know.

9. Watching two guys punching the crap out of each other is distressing. But watching two guys dressed up as team mascots punching the crap out of each other is HILARIOUS.

10. I never knew about punching the ends of the box of tinfoil or plastic wrap inward to form a convenient holder until I read it in one of those “life-hacking” articles. Since then, I have read it in EVERY SINGLE “life-hacking” article ever since. Clearly this is one of the most important things that we, as a society, must learn about.

11. There are still approximately 7 billion people on the planet who don't know how to solve a Rubik's cube, shame in it.

More dumb stuff:

Image Credit » by stuarthampton

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HappyLady wrote on March 11, 2015, 2:26 PM

Giggle. Have I been using my tin foil wrong all these years?

MegL wrote on March 11, 2015, 2:46 PM

I must remember about that tinfoil tip and add it to my next lifehacking article! LOL

BarbRad wrote on March 11, 2015, 3:09 PM

I've never heard the one about the plastic wrap, and I've never yet found a plastic wrap "easy to use" container that was easy to use.

GemOfAGirl wrote on March 11, 2015, 11:45 PM

#6 - On my favorite morning radio show, they refer to TLC as "The Freak Show Network". Evidence to support this label: "19 Kids and Counting"; "Kate Plus Eight"; "My Five Wives"; "Hoarding: Buried Alive"; "Sex Sent Me to the ER"; and my personal favorite, "My Strange Addiction". They often talk about specific episodes of "My Strange Addiction", including ones where a woman likes to eat rocks, another is addicted to getting injections to increase the size of her posterior, and yet another where someone was addicted to consuming baby powder.

nbaquero wrote on March 19, 2015, 8:30 AM

AliCanary Great as always. The tinfoil trick is cool, but I guess No 7. about memberships applies to everything (TV, Gym, Magazines, etc).

iwrite28 wrote on June 26, 2015, 8:16 AM

My favourites here: 2, 3, 4, 5, and 7.

AliCanary wrote on June 27, 2015, 11:09 AM

Bitter, bitter experience led to number 5, believe me. emoticon :winking:

DWDavisRSL wrote on July 23, 2015, 9:52 AM

Item , yes, again this time. I never watch any of the shows on TLC so I save myself from the constant realization that there's an hour I can never get back.