By in Personal

This just in: I did not die, I just feel like I did!

I have been gone for a long time from here and I am struggling to get back to being here everyday. To be anywhere everyday. To WAKE UP everyday!

OK that was dramatic but, on January 13, I came down with a horrendous illness. It was like the flu on steroids (which, ironically, I am taking now). I was so sick that I didn't even have the ability to move. I laid in bed shaking with chills as my fever soared . My throat was shredded. Fluid poured down from my sinuses and nose like a faucet on high. My head pounded. I was weak, I coughed until I nearly threw up.

My fever reached 104 degrees at one point and I was almost ready to go to the ER. Eventually I was able to crawl to my doctor's who said I had the flu as well as strep throat, bronchitis and a possible ear infection. The next day I saw my ENT because my left ear was plugging up and my other doctor saw wax in there. It wasn't wax causing the ear to plug. It was fluid. And I still cannot hear out of that ear today.

It took over three weeks for me to start to feel slightly better. Then it seemed to start over. Not with as much intensity but my nose is running and I am getting drainage everywhere again. And ear is shut like a brick door.

I have been on three antibiotics, decongestants, antihistamines, three different nasal sprays (still am), the usual array of fever reducers, have been doing lymphatic massage to open up my sinuses and ear, and am now taking steroids. I left the house four times since I got sick - all to go to a doctor's office.

Since I am quite hearing impaired as it is, losing the hearing in the better of my two ears is pretty depressing and traumatic. Today I was told I should get cochlear implants in both ears. That means my hearing is so bad that it is useless and nothing can be done. It also means that any hearing I have would be permanently destroyed and an implant surgically placed in my ear. Which could fail, not work right, cause dizziness , and takes a long time to adjust to as sounds are not like real sounds. You have to relearn them.

I'm not ready for that and I won't be ready for that until I am ready for that.

I will just sit here and hope that time and steroids as well as a little doodad that I am going to get called an Ear Popper (by prescription only but I have to pay $200 because my insurance won't cover it) will help me. The next step is to surgically implant a tube in my eardrum. I had that done once. My hearing got drastically WORSE. So, yeah, I am pretty much out of options at this point.

But enough about me. I just wanted to explain why I wasn't here. I looked around and experimented at CGP (Looking like another rip off site) and saw some other sites that I didn't like but I basically have been vegging out, trying not to think of my future.

But I am back and darn it, I am not going to run away again. I like it here and enjoy reading what you have to say. I took down all my Bubblews posts except for 15 - all related to the site - and will, over time, post a few of the deleted ones here that I feel are of interest and value, no doubt changed and rewritten so much that they aren't even the same posts at all. And I will also write about what's going on in my life as well as whatever pops into my mind. Lots of stuff has. I just didn't feel like putting forth the effort to write it down.

Now I am off to read what you guys are saying and to try to feel human. Where are my tissues again? Oh, here they are. Ok, I'm ready to get down to work. :)


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BarbRad wrote on February 17, 2015, 3:04 AM

Oh, Patty. I am so sorry. That is a lot to have to deal with even if you weren't still feeling terrible. It's amazing you wrote this. I hope you will heal enough soon to feel more functional. I will be praying for you.

MegL wrote on February 17, 2015, 4:12 AM

That sounds horrendous. Take it easy and let your body recharge. It takes a while to get over something like that.

morilla wrote on February 17, 2015, 5:47 AM

A guy I know just had a tumor taken out of his ear and they rebuilt his ear drum/canal. The hearing is good, when the ear isn't plugged. But, they told him he'd have to get an aid for the other ear. I can think of at least two examples of people who had Cochlear Implants and went on to productive lives - Rush Limbaugh and Desmond Doss. However, it is a thought you're going to have to get used to first if it proves 'necessary.'

Hollyhocks100 wrote on February 17, 2015, 7:00 AM

Oh dear, you sounded very ill indeed. Did you have someone to look after you? One of the reasons I´m going back to the UK to live is because of the fear of getting so ill and no one knowing.

msiduri wrote on February 17, 2015, 9:19 AM

I'm so sorry to hear this. It sounds miserable. Glad you were able to write this, though and hope to be able to read more from you. Take care of yourself!

MaeLou wrote on February 17, 2015, 9:21 AM

That certainly doesn't sound fun! I'm sorry you were feeling that way. I hope you are feeling much better soon.

buzymommy wrote on February 17, 2015, 9:22 AM

I'm glad you are back and hope the best for you! My sister had a round of that last yr where she has everything and antibiotics 3 x too. they said her immune system was so weak it just kept getting more infections. Fortunately this year she has only gotten sick 1x bc her immune built up over the summer just as the dr predicted. Let's hope the same is true for you!

wolfgirl569 wrote on February 17, 2015, 9:35 AM

Glad to hear you are feeling better. Hope your hearing problem straightens out without surgery.

inertia4 wrote on February 17, 2015, 12:02 PM

PattyTherre I hope you feel better soon. We all miss you. Take care of yourself. I remember being sick like that when I was young. I always had high fevers. The highest I ever had was 106. I was hallucinating. But the fever broke in time before I had to go to the hospital. My ears always get affected by the colds and the flu. I do hope that there is something they can do to improve your hearing. With all the technology we have you would think things would be easier. Rest and get well.

j2jworkz wrote on February 17, 2015, 12:45 PM

What a journey, hope things resolve positively for you .

WordChazer wrote on February 17, 2015, 4:21 PM

Oh honey! I have had elements of all of that in the last few years and I hope you will be able to sort yourself out in due course. Perhaps fortunately for me, syringing has helped restore (most of) my hearing so far when I've had an ear infection. My husband had to undergo an operation to have artificial 'lttle bones of hearing' restored to one of his ears before I met him, so I know not everyone is as lucky as I have been. I have many friends on the hard-of-hearing or deaf spectrum from profoundly deaf to single-sided and partially hearing in both ears, so I can relate to how you must be feeling. Looking forward to reading your posts hwere - I didn't see them on the other site.

seren3 wrote on February 17, 2015, 10:37 PM

That sounds awful! I am so sorry for you going through all of this!

Mommyjen wrote on February 18, 2015, 6:11 AM

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. With your condition right now, I must agree with BarbRad . It's amazing that you were able to write this. Everything will be fine. Positive thinking works. PattyTherre

MakeMoneyOnline wrote on March 4, 2015, 2:33 PM

Sorry to hear about your illness. I was also bound to bed for the whole January an half of February. I also almost couldn't move, let slone leave my bed. Glad to hear you're better and I hope you get better from the flu soon!