By in Personal

A tough decision

I am huge thinker, I have lots of ideas constantly whirring around in my head from stories to big grand ideas or solutions to problems I could never in reality achieve. so I have always longed to find the idea or solution I could make a reality.

Because of this I have fluttered from one project to another in most of the things i have attempted when they have gone well I have panicked, hit the self destruct button and moved on or abandoned them as soon as it became clear i didn't have the necessary skills or resources to achieve what I wanted to do so again moved swiftly on too the next project.

I recently had that one idea I have been looking for I have sat down and worked out that if i approach it in the right way, find the right people to get involved it could just work. If it does it could change mine and the childrens lives for the better.

Here is where I have to make a tough decision in order to work this will have to take over my life for a couple of years. I need to push all off my skills to the limits,

find a very specific group of people willing to help me gather the data I need,

sort the data test the theory with the data group to tweak and perfect it.

Then I'll have to find a second group of people teach them a new skill then test the theory with them to see if it truly works.

During this first stage I will also have to save every penny I can to fund the next stage and approach the people who can help me take it forward.

In order to do all of this I will have to step back and tell my family I can't care for my sister full time anymore the fall out of which will be huge. As much as I love my family they are always the first to rub my past failures in my face to remind me that I ultimately haven't succeeded at anything in the past.

My sisters will give me a hard time for leaving it all down to mum when I don't work and won't be getting paid for this either. In all honesty I don't even want to tell them what I have planned and I already feel guilty for even thinking of stepping down as a carer.

So do I drop all the little projects I have in the works and my sister to chase a dream?

Or do I carry on walking the path I'm on?

Of course only I can answer that question in the end. but at this moment in time I just need to put the question out there.

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nbaquero wrote on February 9, 2015, 5:51 PM

phoenixmaid It looks like a great project. Unfortunately all those big efforts need a strong support system either from family or close friends. Sorry to sound like a salesman, but you have to pitch the idea to your family first and get them to support it along wiht the changes that need to be made. Even if they are not actively involved in helping you with the project, at least they will understand the reason why you are pursuing that idea, and give you piece of mind on that front, so you can focus on planning and executing your project.

Last Edited: February 9, 2015, 5:53 PM

maxeen wrote on February 9, 2015, 7:28 PM

Wow! That was a good answer to a difficult problem.

phoenixmaid wrote on February 9, 2015, 7:44 PM

Thank you for such a brilliant response. I think I will start the ball rolling and find my first group and once i have worked on it a bit i will bring them in and ask them to be my second group as then they will be able to experience just what it is i am trying to do. Hopefully it will make it easier for them to support me if that way. Thanks again.

angelaterese13 wrote on February 9, 2015, 8:33 PM

I think you've got to try, Sarah, or you'll always wonder. Yes, there's the chance that it might not be the success you're hoping for, but there's also the chance to succeed and to experience the chance to enjoy less struggle! You are smart and hard-working and your sisters should help more and be more understanding.

snerfu wrote on February 10, 2015, 1:35 AM

Putting things down on paper in actual words makes a difference. It clears the mind and gives new insight into what is pestering you. Good luck.

crowntower wrote on February 10, 2015, 5:06 AM

I think you better focus and not to chicken out. I mean you will never know if the project is yours or if you are taking the right path if your don't pursue it, when the result are out you will know if it is yours, regardless of the result, because even if you succeed if that is not the career or the life that you want to be you will know it as you journey with it. God bless. Meting the right people and dealing with them can help, but meeting people whom you think might help might fail.

louisechackett wrote on February 10, 2015, 6:37 AM

I think you should chase your dream. Of course it will be hard feeling like you are letting your sister and your mum down but ultimately this could be wonderful for you and your children!

UK_Writer wrote on February 10, 2015, 8:25 AM

It's easy to become trapped in a role that the family find is convenient for them for you to fulfill. Difficult one - especially with the backdrop of them reminding you of past failures.
It's a tough call.

VinceSummers wrote on February 10, 2015, 8:43 AM

What's the old saying say? Discretion is the better part of valor? It's usually good to be cautious, but not indecisive.

WordChazer wrote on February 10, 2015, 1:52 PM

You deserve a chance at something that is NOT always putting your family first. You deserve a chance at something that gives YOU a chance of a life beyond your family and your caring responsibilities. After all, what will happen to you when you no longer have those caring responsibilities, otherwise? Would you drift, rudderless and lost because you've spent so long focussed on the needs of your sister and family and neglected to do something to plan for when circumstances change? Sometimes, you need to say 'to hell with your family' and Just Do It (apologies, I nicked the Nike tagline). Nuts and stuff it if they don't approve. Sometimes you have to prove something to yourself.

MelissaE wrote on February 10, 2015, 4:21 PM

Ooh, that is a hard one. I've learned recently that family is all that I will have left in the long run. I just don't know. I do believe that folks need to go with what's in their hearts. I'm sending a prayer your way right at this moment. In Jesus' name. Amen.

phoenixmaid wrote on February 10, 2015, 4:28 PM

I think your right if i don't at least try it will be ones of those things that I'll use to beat myself up over when my depression is bad. and thank you so much for the kind words.

phoenixmaid wrote on February 10, 2015, 4:28 PM

Thank you xx

phoenixmaid wrote on February 10, 2015, 4:29 PM

Thank you you are quite right.

phoenixmaid wrote on February 10, 2015, 4:31 PM

Thank you louise, it will be hard to step down I'll probably still help out where I can.

phoenixmaid wrote on February 10, 2015, 4:33 PM

I don't think they mean it in a spiteful way when they do, I genuinely think they do it out of concern but it is never nice to have your failures pointed out.

phoenixmaid wrote on February 10, 2015, 4:35 PM

thank you I can be quite indecisive when it comes to taking a risk. your comment inspired me to push myself into making a decision today.

phoenixmaid wrote on February 10, 2015, 4:37 PM

I could just hug you for this comment, I've never thought about what will happen when my sister and the children don't need me there all the time anymore. and you are right I would be absolutely lost. Thank you xx

phoenixmaid wrote on February 10, 2015, 4:39 PM

Thank you Melissa. My family is all I will have left but I so want to make things better for all of them.

Ruby3881 wrote on February 10, 2015, 7:22 PM

Have you considered looking for crowdfunding? And also maybe grants? If you write up a business plan and get yourself some funding, it gives credence to the project. It probably won't resolve the issues around caring for your sister, but if you've been carrying the load for your siblings then you shouldn't feel bad about asking them to step up for a while too.

As for any question of legitimacy, based on whether or not you'll get paid:
1) Make sure to include your salary when you write up your business plan. You don't have to work for free.
2) Don't discuss your salary with anyone who isn't financing your household. You can state how much of a contribution you feel you can make, if you and your siblings jointly fund something like care of a relative. But you aren't obliged to discuss the details of your salary or benefits.

melon1234 wrote on February 10, 2015, 9:32 PM

Due to the situation it is something only you can decide, you can't let people sway you to benefit them. It needs to be your choice 100% so you don't regret it later

nbaquero wrote on February 12, 2015, 5:56 PM

maxeen thanks, I have found myself in a similar situation before.

nbaquero wrote on February 12, 2015, 6:00 PM

phoenixmaid I already read your plan in your other post, but I just wanted to add that even here at PersonaPaper, and depending on the nature of your mission, you could find some support as well. Best of luck!

phoenixmaid wrote on February 12, 2015, 7:22 PM

funding and possible crowd sourcing are a long way down the line to be honest, it's going to take a good year possibly 2 or 3 to get the the idea to a stage where i can take it forward on that front. And thank you being part of a very open family I sometimes forget that I don't have to discuss my finances with anybody.

phoenixmaid wrote on February 12, 2015, 7:23 PM

thank you I have made a decision now and i feel comfortable knowing it was my choice alone.

BodieMor wrote on February 19, 2015, 7:50 PM

Although family is important, I don't believe you should sacrifice your dreams. Perhaps it is time for others to take on the responsibility of your sister for a while, at least while you take the time to manifest your idea.

BodieMor wrote on February 19, 2015, 7:51 PM

Glad you reached a decision. That must have created relief for you...

iwrite28 wrote on May 10, 2015, 1:45 PM

venting, ranting and expressing on paper (physical or virtual) always helps.