I Don't Want An Empty Funeral
My Dad and I were supposed to go to a funeral today for my cousin-in-law who was killed a few days ago in a head on collision, it was the other driver's fault, it sounds like they crossed a median and plowed right into my cousin. The guy who was at fault is of course still alive in the hospital, if I sound a bit bitter, it's because I am. Where the funeral was being held was about 45 minutes away from where we live. My Dad had gone in ahead of me because I was putting on my last bit of makeup, when he came back out and said that he had gotten the attention of a few people and waved, but that there was no room to sit. People were starting to stand outside. And my Dad he's in his 70's, so when he said that he wanted to leave, I didn't try to go against him. My Dad had a death blow early on in life when his father passed away in a car crash/drowning, when my Dad was only 9 years old. So I feel that this would have put a lot of stress on him, and he's always stressed out, I didn't want to add more to him. Although I did want to stay and pay my respects. I had mentally prepared myself for being able to go, because funerals, as you know are just difficult, especially when they are tragic and quick ends that nobody expects. So I still just feel like I didn't get the chance to be there for my family. I just feel guilty.
I had told my Dad that I hoped that at our funerals that we have that many people that come to pay their respects, but my Dad was saying that he didn't want a funeral, and that nobody was going to be left alive that would go to his funeral or my mother's, which just sounded so awful to me. But maybe he's right, I guess the older you get the more your family and friends tend to die off or move super far away. Maybe when I'm dead I'll be the only one at my funeral, I'd like to think that won't be the case. But in most cases when there are big attendances at a funeral someone died young, or was either the matriarchal or patriarchal boss of a very large family.
My Mom made me feel sort of selfish when I talked about wanting to have lots of people show up for my funeral, she's like you won't be there. How does she know, I'd like to think you'd be able to somehow get a feeling or sense of what was going on. Would you want nobody to show up to your funeral?
Image Credit » Photo by Me