Wishes that torture me!
As I sit here thoughts going back and forth between the day we met and the day we separated, my heart cannot seem to stop pounding. I want to forget your name but your face keeps popping back into my thoughts, seems like it is engraved in my mind! I can see your smile so clearly; that beautiful big smile that always had me weak at the knees.
I am tormented by the words that we used to exchange with each other; the 'I love you' and 'I miss you', my anger can't even pretend to be winning as these ridiculous feelings just won't let up. I told you that it was over, that I had moved on with my life! I remember how cruel and mean I was to you that cold night when I ended our love. You had grabbed my arm in an attempt to get my eyes fixed on your flawless but broken face but I stubbornly turned my back on you.
I needed you to hate me, to feel that I hated you. I wanted you to see that I meant ever last nasty word I spat at you. I desperately needed to feel what I was selling to you; to buy it and mean it. I am upset at love for taking your side, I am mad at my heart for being so weak and having a vacant space for you in it. Even as I smile at my new partner, as sweet and gorgeous as he is... I feel sick every time he touches me. His hands are nowhere near as electrifying as yours were. I don't want to look in the mirror anymore because my reflection is a liar.
She has lines of pain written all over her face, she is so shamelessly unhappy without you here. Even as I hear this sweet man say he loves me, I shudder because I can't say those works back to him genuinely. I am heartless, sat here with this innocent soul trying his best to fill up this empty hallowed hole you left. I am a monster for leading him on and using him in an attempt to forget about you.
You are terrible for keeping my heart as your own and refusing to release me. I can only hope that one day I will feel nothing for you, that I will stop wondering about you, stop taking sneak peeks at photos of us together during our most happiest days. I am a bad person because I wish that you were here instead of him but for his sake I wish you dead!
You make up the wishes that torment me day in and day out, you are my biggest weakness yet life without you has no taste.
Image Credit » http://pixabay.com/en/sad-broken-glass-sadness-597089/