By in Family

Did You Know Him?

My cousin died last night. Today there is talk of arrangements and funerals. There are decisions to be made. People full of good intentions are putting in their two cents worth. I just had to ask, "did you KNOW him?"

Tommy was not a quiet little church guy. Tommy was music, dirt bikes, camping trips and laughs. Tommy was the kid who got in trouble for throwing bottle rockets at a cemetery. He was not dark suits and ties. He was flannel shirts and jeans. His "good shoes" were boots! He wore a baseball cap to his own father's funeral. Did you know him?

Tommy was salt in the sugar bowl. He was a trickster and a nut. There was nothing he would not do and he got in a lot of jams being him!

I don't have a dog in this race. But if someone would ask me, I would tell them. Send him out the way he would like. Let him wear his flannel shirt and instead of a memorial throw a cook out. And everybody bring your guitars! That was Tommy!

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LeaPea2417 wrote on January 28, 2015, 1:25 PM

Oh my goodness, this is so sad to read. How did he die? And I agree with you have a cook out and celebrate his life , from what you say, he seemed full of life. RIP to him.

JeanC wrote on January 28, 2015, 1:28 PM

Condolences to you and your family for Timmy's passing. Hopefully they will come up with a good way to celebrate his life and mourn his passing.

They say funerals are for the living, not the dead, but I think the living should realize that having a ceremony that is completely the opposite of the person who has passed is not honoring them. I have been to serious funerals and some not so serious. Frankly I prefer the ones where stories get told and everyone is laughing and crying and celebrating the persons life. Sounds like a good old fashioned wake would be something Timmy would enjoy.

Magnolia wrote on January 28, 2015, 1:45 PM

thank you. He was 57 and died of lung cancer.

Magnolia wrote on January 28, 2015, 1:46 PM

thank you. sometimes I think people are so in grief they make choices that reflect that grief. It happened a lot when I worked in the funeral industry. Later they wish they had made different choices.

Maplewinter wrote on January 28, 2015, 1:59 PM

So sorry to read about your loss. My thoughts are with you and the rest of your family.

valmnz wrote on January 28, 2015, 2:17 PM

That is sad to read of your cousin, but I think you've got the right attitude here. People's lives should be celebrated as they were lived.

VinceSummers wrote on January 28, 2015, 3:00 PM

Funerals should be serious occasions. It is the one time some people actually here a spiritual discourse. As Ecclesiastes 7:2 says, "Better to go to the house of mourning than to the house of feasting, for that is the end of every man, and the living should take it to heart."

lookatdesktop wrote on January 28, 2015, 3:01 PM

I'm pleased that you are not feeling deep depression from your cousin Tommy's passing, but instead are reveling in the good times to keep his memory happy. Many people do in fact celebrate when a loved one dies. I am sure that all those who were close to him are sad to say goodbye but then he was in pain and now he is at rest in God's Kingdom. I do not generally celebrate when a loved one dies. I am quite the opposite. It usually takes time to heal after an event of this nature as I am sure you will agree.

mrsmerlin wrote on January 28, 2015, 3:21 PM

So sorry to hear the news. I totally agree about not looking at someone's life through rose coloured glasses and somehow not remembering the 'real' person with all of the dimensions that truly make us who we are. He sounds like an interesting person who lived his life instead of existing.

CountryWine wrote on January 28, 2015, 6:34 PM

Sound like my kind of people. What a shame when someone so full of life is suddenly gone. The best of thoughts to you and your family as you go through this period of time.

BNelson wrote on January 28, 2015, 10:40 PM

For sure when somebody dies we should remember how they would want to go out - not how we want it to be. Honor that person.

BarbRad wrote on January 29, 2015, 4:04 AM

I think you've got it right. There's no good reason to bury someone in clothes they'd rather not wear when alive.

AsADrivenLeaf wrote on January 29, 2015, 5:23 PM


AsADrivenLeaf wrote on January 29, 2015, 5:27 PM

Oops... tapped the Comment with my eyes closed. Do you miss him? Did you sing and play music music with him when you, cousins, vist with each other? What did you think of him when he went to church as he was?

seren3 wrote on January 31, 2015, 1:06 PM

I'm so sorry to hear he died young. It sounds like you have the right handle on the memorial he'd love.

cheri wrote on February 2, 2015, 1:18 AM

Sometimes we get the help around from people we don't expect and its a good feeling.