By in Parenting

Wanted Perfect Mother

I am not perfect, I do not profess to be nor do I want to be... but sometimes, in the dead of the night, when my daughter seems to hate me, I cry and hope that I was a better mother, made less mistakes and be the mother she wanted, a mother she'd respect.

I ask myself not only a dozen times and what I did to deserve such a treatment... I want to punish her, shout at her, lash at her and tell her, no demand from her to respect me as I deserved! For goodness sake! I am her mother...

But alas, I find myself torn between wanting to pull all her hair out, to pulling all mine out.

Honestly speaking, I'm lost. I have done everything I can to be the mom she wants, given her most everything... I earn a decent amount working online and I am quite happy with it to be honest but she demands so many things. No, she is not my only child. I have another one, a son, who doesn't demand for as much, but patiently waits for whatever would come his way. He would ask but if I don't give it, he would say "okay, next time" unlike my daughter who would demand and would show displeasure if I say no or if things doesn't go her way.

I know I made mistakes rearing them as they grew up, I know that there are things that I should have done better, things I shouldn't have said but said and things I didn't say that I should have... Regrets perhaps, but I know that would get me nowhere and even faster.

Now, we are on civil ground, talking but nothing really serious, just mundane stuff that doesn't really matter. She went home late last night (not very late, just an hour after her curfew ~ her curfew is 6pm, she got home just before 7pm) and I was just to tired to argue with her and it really taking my strength... I don't want to get mad anymore but can I help it? She's acting up because it was her birthday and she wanted to treat her friends and I was just asking her to minimize the number of people she's inviting so we can fit it into the budget but yea, she wants what she wants...

I'm lost as to what to do with her, how to discipline her, she is her own person I know and I want to put my put down on certain things, but how can I when she doesn't seem to care...

How do I become the perfect mother for her, someone she'll listen to... someone she'll respect... someone she'll follow...

awww.. motherhood.. honest to goodness.. sometimes it stinks!

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Dawnwriter wrote on November 20, 2014, 3:18 AM

Kids can make you feel like a total loser/failure sometimes but what is important is that you do your best. I don't know how old your children are but make them sit down with you one day, make some tea and cake and calmly discuss your financial problems with them. Children nowadays are not obedient and they expect to be treated as equal. When my kids rebel, I always ask them to come up with a better solution and this usually makes them quiet.

Madcanman wrote on November 20, 2014, 5:33 AM

There is absolutely NO SUCH THING as a perfect parent. Trust me, I have five (now grown) children. I have enough regrets for several people, though I've learned to not let them control my life. Two divorces, financial missteps, poor decisions- you name it, I've done a lot of things the wrong way. With one exception (my dear youngest daughter, now 25, who I hope some day will understand and respond to any of my attempts at communication) my kids all still say "I love you" after phone calls and conversations. Even my boys, two of whom I adopted many years ago, all still end our phone conversations with "I love you, dad", and that's about all I can ask for. My oldest son and daughter now have children of their own, and I have a sneaking suspicion that they now understand some things. My second wife once said that once your kids go to school they are no longer your kids. I'll stop now since no one wants to read a lengthy paragraph as a comment.