I looked like an elephant!
I'm going through a bit of a "crisis". I am 5'5" and have always weighed between 120 and 125 pounds. My thyroid acted up recently and my hormones have started to screw up and I now weigh 132 pounds. No big deal right?
Well...it shouldn't be but those few pounds completely change how I view myself and how I look. I can't imagine how a few pounds can turn a slim woman into an elephant but let me tell you, a family member innocently posted a pic of me from the side sitting down that she took without me knowing on Facebook and I nearly cried. I actually texted her to PLEASE remove the pic before anyone saw it. I was wearing a fairly loose charcoal grey sweater and jeans. Just a casual visit. For some reason, I looked like I weighed double what I do. Or maybe I look that way for real. I freaked out.
Mind you, I AM hormonal and I have been freaking out a lot lately. I am going through what every woman goes though but I feel like I am all alone with my mood swings, hot flashes, and weight gain. Seeing that picture sent me straight into a depression I have yet to pull out of. I have always been slim. Skinny actually until I was about 35 and then my thyroid went crazy and I gained weight. I think I hit 140 pounds for a few months. But I didn't look bad then. NOW, I look HUGE! Maybe it is the way the few pounds were distributed. Maybe it's just that I need more muscle tone which I am working on nightly. Maybe it's just that the picture of me was taken at an awful angle. I don't know but I have yet to recover from my funk.
I can't control much in my life lately with so many changes and many health issues but I can control my weight. Well, COULD . My doctor said to not even try to get back down to 120-125 for quite a while. To let my hormones do what they do and to just exercise and eat healthy. No starving and no fasting. I would never starve or fast or do anything radical. I value my health over everything else. But daym....
I know I sound like a nut but I guess I am going through emotional changes as well as physical ones and they are causing me to be a lot more sensitive than usual. I would post the elephant pic but I made sure it was destroyed . Ugh. I kept asking my son if I REALLY looked like that and he kept saying I didn't and that it was an illusion because my sweater was bunching and I was leaning over a little. And I was close to the camera whereas the others were further away. Sounds plausible.
But NOT WHEN YOU'RE HORMONAL!
Please know I am aware that this issue is tiny. I know that first and foremost is my health and wellbeing (and that of my family of course) and a few pounds does NOT make me look elephantine. I know this in my sane brain. My crazy brain says I just lost all control over everything and I will never be the same. Ohhh, hormones. And I hear this change can take years to come full circle. My poor, poor family, friends, and even readers. Everyone is in for a rollercoaster of a ride. I am on one and bringing everyone with me!
Image Credit » Photo credit: Pixabay.com