By in Personal

Tired of this Life!!!

So extremely exhausted of this crazy life I have. Since the day that I was born it has been hell.
Mother killed by her husband at 3
I bounced around a lot with strangers
In and out of child protected services
Moved across the world to e with more strangers
Awful things happen to little girls
Step mother is like the Cinderella's step mother
Everything for HER kids but screw the ones she took in for $$$
While I had to clean, cook, raise kids that were not mine
Find babysitter's for the kids so I could go to school and work
Feed them raise them, One calls me Mamma still till this day!

Now married, mother of a 3yeard old, who I feel bad for and sorry for. Wish I could be a better mom and wife.
Thought going to school to get a better degree would help me get a job that pay's decent, but nope not one person has called me and the ones that do don't want to pay what I am worth and need to just get by. $900 a month just doesn't pay ya know.
No family of my own because I am adopted and don't know who is who and the family that I was raised with all hate me, because I moved away and don't give them my $$$. My sister and brother in laws don't like me because the girls husband is a pig and hit on me and i hit him and now everybody hates me and is mad at me and apparently "I wanted it" Bull shit. Bastard did it while his wife was around the corner. Told my husband and he suggested we stay away and just be cordial. So sucks because now we just stay home and as a stay at home mom. I AM GOING STIR CRAZY!!!!!!! Too hot to go to the park. My son said so.
No money to go anywhere!
No friends and the so called friends that I do have, never come around or invite me to do anything with them.
Gee starting to think it is just me! Probably is and that's what I get for being too honest and blunt and just me!
No Job to have money and be just a little bit happier and out of the house.
Meet new people and maybe get out for a bit with new friends.
No one to talk to and just. UGH!
SIGH............Sometime I think If I could just delete one day I would delete the day of my birth.
I think and feel a lot of people would and could be happier!
Yes I know, awful thing to say, and my son wouldn't be here, but honestly I am only here on this earth, because of him.
I think of when I was three years old no mom, no dad, and just having a crazy unhappy life. I don't want that for my son, but just so hard to deal with life when all you try and do is better and be happy and it is just so hard to do and live a life that I have. Just not the life I expected.
I knew growing up would be hard for me giving the hand that I was given, but damn man I just can't take it anymore!
I just want peaceful life and happiness and nothing just seem to go my way.
I feel Like I am being tested and punished!!!!
Not fair. Being adopted for me SUCKS!!!!

I wouldn't wish this life I grew up with or now on my worst enemy!


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Comments

richardarowell wrote on August 19, 2014, 3:10 PM

Darling, you are still alive! That is what matters most. And you are a mother of a beautiful child. You have things to be grateful for. It makes the little good things in life that much more important when you've faced so many bad things. Don't give up. You can find friends here. We're a supportive community! HUG! If you ever need someone to talk to, don't be afraid to ask me.

Akshar wrote on August 19, 2014, 3:29 PM

Don't worry about your past. Let it go and move on. I know it is easy said than done . But be happy for your child.You can find lots of friends in PP emoticon :smile:

LeaPea2417 wrote on August 19, 2014, 3:52 PM

I am sorry you went through all that in your past. The fact that you are alive right now, there is a purpose for your existence besides being a Mom to your son. You may not know what it is right now, but I am sure you will find out in time.

Ellis wrote on August 19, 2014, 3:58 PM

Live is a long song and you have sung those verses already...time maybe to sing some better ones...

MegL wrote on August 19, 2014, 5:33 PM

I am sorry your life has been so hard. You know, we often learn MORE from the hard times than from the good times. You have someone who calls you "momma" because you took care of them, as well as someone who calls you momma because are his mum. I have had some rough times in my life and they were NOT fun when they happened but looking back on them, I grew because of those hard times. Sometimes you just gotta survive until they are over.

madhavan_as wrote on August 25, 2014, 11:12 AM

Yes and sometimes it will be very hard to do few things again and again..